So I wrote about my first chemo, it was raw and honest and ‘my’ experience.
It’s what I went through, it wasn’t pretty but it wasn’t ugly ALL the time.
I can’t sugarcoat it, sure there’s some things I leave out because they’re totally gross but when I write about my cancer journey it’s just that…what I went through.
A friend brought it to my attention that my words might scare the shit out of some readers. She also let me know that her chemo was no where near as awful as mine, I get that. Thanks to my friend for making me think about this, hence why I’m writing this post. It got me thinking about how words are perceived and I want to clear a few things up.
Here’s what I want you all to know.
Cancer is individual, treatment is individual. Sure our paths are similar and even if we are on the same protocol we will all be different.
Our doses will be fine tuned to our individual cancers, weight, age etc.
Our bodies will assimilate and process the drugs differently.
Our minds will also cope differently.
Our support systems will be different. Some will have lots of support, some will have little. Some will push support away and others will crave more support.
Our financial situations will be different. Some will keep working others will lose their income. Different treatments have costs attached, partners will also be impacted with work pressure.
What happened in our lives before cancer will be different, it may affect how we cope.
The impact cancer has on us and our loved ones will be different. Our stage of life and whether we have children or partners has an impact.
Some will go within, they won’t want to know the side effects…they will just want to get through it.
Others will want to know. They will research and arm themselves with information…to prepare themselves.
Some will go to work through chemo while others will find it hard to get dressed…or get out of bed. Then there’s those that will fall somewhere in-between.
What I want you all to know is please don’t be scared of my story, ‘sit what happened to me and might not be the same for you. The other thing is that I write raw, I say it as it is and I can’t won’t change that.
Life through chemo was pretty freakin hard but not all days were shit and even on my most shit days I could still smile. As I progressed through treatment my coping mechanisms got better, sure my body got weaker but my mind got stronger.
When you’re reading about my journey it is just that…a journey. At times I got lost and I stumbled…I was weak. Then there were the days that I faced it all head on, I was strong and powerful and wise. It’s a roller coaster ride!
Putting cancer behind me
I’m still in the cancer stage. There’s no putting this experience behind me, I’ve just gone to six monthly appointments but I’m in the chemo ward every single month for implants to suppress hormones. I’m also still seeing my plastic surgeon and have upcoming surgeries this year. But hey I’m here and look at me…loving life!
I get why people put it behind them and get on with life, but to be honest I don’t know if I ever will. Sure I don’t have cancer now but…
I write about it, I volunteer, fundraise, do public speaking.
Every time I see my chest…my scars, feel my implants grating on scar tissue…well, cancer is there.
When my brain gets fuddled or my eyesight goes funny…cancer is there.
When my body aches…cancer is there.
I’m cool with that, I also lead a fun, loving, varied and rewarding life.Life is good!
My life isn’t ALL about cancer but it’s a part of who I am.
Going through the roller coaster of treatment made me who I am today. I’m more aware, free spirited, empathetic, loving, measured and value life more because cancer was in me.
Don’t be scared of chemo. I’m so glad I did it as it has improved my life expectancy. Don’t be scared of my experience, please know I don’t mean to scare you either I just write about my own personal experience. Get good advice and when going through treatment keep diaries of how treatment affects you. This will help you and your medical team to combat side effects.
Your roller coaster ride will be different to mine. Go well.
Til next time,
Jen x
I am not a medical doctor and when I write about my experiences it is about my personal journey. Please seek medical advice if needed.
Annette says
March 8, 2015 at 12:02 pmWell said. You can only write your experience of treatment and dealing with life altering events, whatever they are.
Jenni says
March 8, 2015 at 12:15 pmThanks Annette, I would hate to freak people out x
Teresa says
March 8, 2015 at 12:31 pmCancer is scary as all hell no matter which way you look at it.I’m scared just of the word but following your story gives me faith that you can come out the other side 🙂 and you seem to embrace life so much better than before which has lots of positives xo I had no idea how long though the journey of cancer continues even once you get the all clear so what you write is quite educational even though its very confronting…So happy you are here to tell your story ,3
Jenni says
March 8, 2015 at 1:08 pmThanks Teresa, I’m thriving and life is good. My doctor doesn’t give the ‘all clear’ or ‘remission’, it’s just a part of life and I get on with living it and dealing with the cancer stuff. I’m blessed to be here enjoying my family and sharing. Xxx
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
March 8, 2015 at 1:02 pmSuch good advice Jenni. Everything I wrote about my treatment was anecdotal, every body, every cancer and every treatment and reaction to it will be different. But even though we’re all individual, many of us are on the same journey and it’s reassuring and inspiring to read your story and the road that you travelled. Cancer will always be part of me, but it doesn’t define me. I like to think I got cancer but it didn’t get me. I’m thriving, thank you very much 🙂
Jenni says
March 8, 2015 at 1:06 pmYou sure are thriving Sammy!! I love the term ‘thriver’ xx
Ros says
March 8, 2015 at 5:37 pmThank you so much for putting into words what I have been thinking about chemo. We are all individuals and go through journeys differently. Unless you have walked in cancers shoes the experience can only be that of the individual and how they deal with it, not what others tell you it should be.
Hoping your feeling much stronger each day.
Jenni says
March 8, 2015 at 6:15 pmThanks Ros, even though I talk to many different cancer patients and thrivers I can only write about my own experience. I feel great, my chemo ended 18 months ago x
Barbe says
March 8, 2015 at 7:17 pmWell said Jen. You have your story to tell, and there is no way around it. It is scary. Cancer is scary. Cancer Treatment is scary. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and so many of us have gotten out the other end with a whole new appreciation for life. I believe it has made my family and I better people. Nothing is taken for granted.
It is good to remember everyone is different, and there is no right or wrong way to feel about ones “journey” ( i really dislike this word but there is no other that describes it as well as this). Every body copes differently with different treatment, because every treatment is tailor made for that particular person.
Thanks again Jen for explaining. Do what you are doing, and I may not comment sometimes, because I don’t really know how to react, but I do read every post.
xoxoxox
Jenni says
March 8, 2015 at 7:23 pmI want to hug you Barbe! Thankyou, and yeah ‘journey’ such a weird word but it’s ongoing so it kinda suits. You’re right, my appreciation of life is so much more heightened…for the whole family and I’m a much more relaxed mum. These days as long as my kids are happy I’m happy xxx
jess - A Little Part of the World says
March 8, 2015 at 8:48 pmWell said Jen. It’s good to know there is no one size fits all. Jx
Jenni says
March 8, 2015 at 10:32 pmDefinitely not jess xx
Jane magor says
March 9, 2015 at 7:09 amWell written. Jen. You are amazing and your strength goes beyond words. I think we need to know what its like and be told how it is. For me i can only imagine it would Sux.. many of us may not of had a love one experience cancer. And if we do it helps us understand. It can SUX. reading your journey makes you have a reality check about things for me personally that are so trivial. Keep on keeping on Jen. The fact your here and living life to the full is Awesome.. Much love xo
Jenni says
March 9, 2015 at 9:35 amAwww thanks Jane xx
erin says
March 9, 2015 at 5:42 pmSuch sound advice. What a warrior x
Jenni says
March 9, 2015 at 6:07 pmThanks Erin xx