I never thought I would have to write a post like this, but turns out I do. I’ll try to keep it short and not too ranty because UGH… my heart just feels heavy and I wanna go take a bath and wash this negativity away.
There was once a woman who was very, very sick and while she was sick she decided to make her life count. She decided to live her life with purpose and passion. When she was well again she started writing about styling and body confidence and this made her heart very, very happy and she knew instantly that this was her path. This woman is ME!
I love what I do. While I have turned my passion into my business, I like to think it still has purpose and heart. Part of that business is social media.
Now, apart from a few nasty comments my social media has been pretty free from drama. I have built a wonderful ‘community of women’. Women who are helpful, supportive and delightful, women who I actually care about.
Now when someone comes on my page and writes unsavoury remarks it’s a bit like walking into my home with shit on your shoe. It’s grubby, leaves a foul pong in the air, is unnecessary and is just plain bad manners.
I don’t need everyone to like or love everything I do, but I certainly expect good manners.
I see lots of stuff on the internet I don’t like, shitloads…but I don’t take the time to stop and write unsavoury remarks. Do you know why?
I put myself in the other persons shoes.
I don’t want people walking up to me in the street and cutting me down so I would never do it to others on the internet.
I can share my opinion or debate a topic without resorting to nastiness or mean girl behaviour and I expect the same in the Styling Curvy community.
Here’s the bottom line. If you don’t like something scroll past. If you really want to offer your opinion make it constructive and choose your words carefully because on the receiving end of your comment is an actual real person.
If you do like something and want to share that then feel free to click like or even leave a comment. I love that.
This is not about me being up myself or wanting only praise, it’s about manners and the tone of the community I have created. I want everyone to feel safe and supported in my community. If you can’t play nice then maybe my page isn’t for you, that’s ok.
My purpose is to share with you all more of what’s available in the world of fashion. I want to inspire you to live a vibrant life from the inside out. I want women to fall in love with their bodies and have confidence that sees them walking tall like the Queen that they are. Not every single outfit or post will be your cuppa tea, I don’t need it to be. I wear what I wear because it is me, it’s my personal style. I have my own style personality, some of you will really love it while others will be ‘inspired’ by it.
EXAMPLE…
You might see a photo of me in white pants, maybe the ‘style’ that I’m wearing is not for you but my outfit photo might just ‘inspire’ you to wear a white pant that is authentic to your style personality…this would be a fist pump moment for me. See? Can you see how it works?
If someone is inspired to try white pants and for the first time ever gives them a go and feels great about themselves then this makes me happy.
BUT, if someone else then writes that they hate white pants and that no women should ever wear them, well can you imagine what that comment does to the Queen who just found her confidence in white pants? It’s deflating.
Let’s support a sista instead. If you don’t have anything nice to say then maybe it’s best not to say anything at all.
So, let’s all think twice before we write a comment, let’s check the tone of the comment and use our manners. I can tell you that I certainly didn’t feel good yesterday when people used unsavoury terms to describe my pants. “mens package, full Tena pad, hate, unflattering’…how do you reckon I felt?
The foul pong was strong.
Til next time,
Jen x
Bravo…… Jenni.
The old saying “if you carnt say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”
You Jenni, your page, your photos do inspire.
Thank you for your page, for your advice, for your caring.
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Here here Jen! I think you are fab and your zest for life is infectious. Open those windows and flush that pong out with sunshine, fresh air and a huge dose of laughter xxoo
Gee whiz. I don’t understand how some people can be so nasty. This person obviously has confidence issues. Well said Jen. Those words you wrote are the words of a confident beautiful woman. You cant please everyone and some people love the drama they create with their horrible comments. They are not called trolls for nothing. Keep on keeping on ❤️
So well said Jen, I also believe if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. I love ypur blogs, love you outfits and admire what you are doing for all us ladies lacking confidence xx
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Aww Jenni. Some people can be do nasty I don’t understand what gives them the right. I for one ? What you wear and because of you I’m wearing styles and brands I have never worn before.. it’s been costly but worth it so I thank you for it. The husband might not as I’m spending dollars but look how bloody fabulous I look right. Yep because of you.. keep your chin up. The ones that love you is all you need. xx
I saw those comments and I was horrified and I felt for you, my friend. I wondered how you were going to react and I knew how I would have felt. I hoped that somehow you would be able to handle it better than I would. It is completely unnecessary, bad mannered and said without regard to your feelings. I am sad to see that you were affected by the nastiness and ignorance of others.
I completely agree with your comments. The point is never for anyone to wear a style that will suit everybody. The point is having your own style and sharing and inspiring others to do the same. You do this every single time you post something. You make a real difference, Jen. I know you know this,
Keep on, keeping on Jen. Try to put more weight on all the positive comments and less on the crappy ones, if you can, my friend.
Much love x
White pants she didn’t like? We could change it up if we didnt look so damn good!
Inside her skin, we don’t like.
I like our range of options better.
I have a full length, 4 metre walk in wardrobe, both sides’ FULL,, and nothing to wear. Too scared to wear, or don’t know how to put it together. I have been inspired since following you, and incorporating ideas that you give into what’s ‘me’ (should have seen me rocking my 17 Sundays ripped pants last weekend!)
Stay fab. Duck. Water.
Well said. Just scroll past if it’s not for you ?
How sad that certain people have made you feel shattered. I myself have been going through depression and as weird as it may sound to some finding your Facebook page was a blessing. I’m not a size 10 at all and never have been so I’ve been going through a rough time beating myself up about how I look. With a wardrobe bursting at the seams with clothes that I feel like will make me look good I still struggle every morning with what to wear and finding your page has not only helped me realise that you can still look great if you are a size 18 but that I need to accept my size and move on !!!! My work colleagues and friends have always told me I look good and dress so well and even though I’d hear it I didn’t actually believe it. When I saw how you styled your clothing I was so elated because I realised that your styling is similar to mine and you look great !!!! I haven’t been able to stop looking at your page and have now purchased some drop crutch pants for the first time believing I couldn’t wear them but you gave me the confidence to give them a go. If I’ve learnt anything throughout my 50 years of life it is that people can be hurtful and put you down but that they have the problem. I believe they’re insecure and have to be mean and cruel to make themselves feel better. You will get through this small bump in the road of life because you have your family and friends and your Facebook friends who like me, are here to support you. I know I’ve only just joined your group but please know that I have something that has made me feel a little less depressed in my life and that’s thanks to you. Stay strong ?
Well said Jen! Personally I love the dropsies and have been searching for them here in NZ and haven’t had any luck, so next pay I will be jumping on line to grab some! Love ❤️ your work keep going , you are an inspiration, I have certainly been inspired by your style post, and also the kick in the pants I needed earlier this year to have my first mammogram as there is a history of breast cancer in my family. So from NZ a million thank you’d ? ?
Ugh! What’s the saying “don’t hate me cause ya ain’t me?” Some people have no manners and the way they behave on social media speaks volumes about the kind person they are. Not people I’d ever make time for.
I enjoy your blog and look forward to your posts. I love the outfit ideas and style looks that I get from here. My six chambray shirts are all your doing. Once you hit 40 you become invisible to so many people, I love that there is a place where I can go for inspiration and feel good about myself after I’ve done it.
Thanks Jen!
Unfortunately there will always be sad people that want to take others down.
Just remember there are far more that want to lift you up. There is no way I could carry off those white pants ( and you rocked them) but I would love that top with my white pants.
Stay true to you Jen and don’t let the ‘sad’ people get to you x
Ignore the haters. I love your blog, your attitude to life and your style. Keep doing what you do so well xx
Empowered and beautiful . You are an inspiration, not to mention extremely helpful in assisting those of use who want to be trendy but do not have the knowledge . Thanks for help and advice.
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I didn’t see the comments . I personally don’t like droppies but I can tell by your smile and confidence that you do and when I see you or other women wearing them I’m like “More power to ya” wish I had your confidence. But I do wear white pants Now??
Inspirational as usual! Well done to you x
Jen, you write with passion and caring for what you do – don’t stop! Shame that people are happy to write nasty things online that they would never say to a persons face. Wishing you a better day today.
I don’t understand why people have to be so down right bloody nasty !! Unfortunatly you find this negativity everywhere, social media, shopping,. Why do people follow a page if it makes you resort to such comments. I love your inspiration and zest for life, even though there’s quite a few years between our ages I get great ideas like my Race Day outfit ( oh thanks fir the info on the City Chic Jacket) will be a wonderful staple ? chin up Jen you have created a wonderful community that you inspire daily maz??
I am so thankful I found your FB page and in turn your blog. It has given me the confidence to try clothing styles that I wouldn’t other wise have tried, or given me inspiration to look at brands I had not heard of previously. I love your style. I love your outlook on life. I think you rock. People need to remember to be kind & gentle with others. Too much hate & nastiness in the world. If you don’t like something, just shut your mouth and move along. No need to cause hurt or harm to someone else.
Very sorry to read that Jenni, you deserve so much better. I wonder what people think gives them the right. Nothing like what you experienced but someone chose to correct my grammar on a FB post. Really, these people need to get a life of their own and not try to raise themselves up by putting others down. Sending a virtual hug x
Jen,
I personally have tried so many things since I discovered your facebook page. I was so excited to see that there was this amazing lady with the same shape body as me that was wearing so many different styles and colours and rocking the shit outta them. I have alot more body confidence now Jen. So thank you for your page and thanks for enpowering us chicks. ?
I love your style Jenn..some I wouldn’t ear, but others, you have encouraged me to try and I have..but, it is just as well we are not all the same and liking the same…what a boring world we would live in.
I am sorry this happened to you but sadly, you are never going to stop the “haters”..and if that is all they have to bitch about {what someone is wearing}, they have a very sad life indeed..
Hold your head high..love your style and all I can say, is a big thank you!
People are strange.
P.S. I can’t wear white pants at this stage of life. At any given moment I could be walking around looking like the Japanese flag. #fuckperimenopause
Hi Jenni. It’s very sad that some woman put other women down. We should all stick together and encourage each other. I for one, is happy that I even found your blog and fb page, I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and guess what, I love it. Thank you for being you and for your encouraging posts.
Well written, some people possess the emotional intelligence of a gnat and their total lack of basic decency in their comments reflects that! Your style is fabulous and so are you ?
Well said!! Nothing nice 2 say then dont say it at all ! People need 2 take their negativity elsrwhere! I have only just started following your page & I want u 2 know u are gorgeous & you have obviously found your path – U go girl!
Jen, your honesty and being true to yourself is what makes you so endearing and yes, loved by your loyal followers. Your exuberance for life, fashion, family and blogging could never be tarnished by one rotten apple in your overflowing fruit bowl. Throw it out, kick it to the kerb, and know that it will never again bruise your heart.
Your huge loving heart is surrounded by everyone who loves you and we won’t put up with anyone trying to make it unhappy… Keep on being true to who you are.. It’s why we love you xx
Ditto SHaryn’s old saying my mother taught me.
Manners are getting scarce.
Love your ideas. All for broadening perspectives.
Keep up the good work.
What a boring world if we all thought and dressed the same.
Another of my mother’s ideas I have adopted.
Cheers
I love your style and please keep sharing your great pics.
You have to run a workshop in Melbourne soon! You are the real gorgeous deal.
Well said Jeni. I read the comments and thought why would they even bother. I am not a fan of the droppies for me because I am tall but they look amazing on you. Since finding you I have had the courage to wear and see clothes for my shape and size in a different light. So please keep blogging and inspiring us all
Some people just can’t help themselves. I don’t think they have understood your blog or Facebook page. Don’t beat yourself up over it, easier said than done, you are you and we are grateful for that.
Hi Jen. I have just read this post because a good friend of mine shared it and I am so pleased that you wrote a response to the negativity on your page. The world needs people like you, sharing positivity for women. I too work with women and their images of themselves and I thank you for the work you do toward healthy happy body image. Well done?
Funnily enough I’m wearing a similiar pair of these pants today, Yes I know I will get some strange looks & at least one of my kids will give me a sideways glance! But I love clothes that re a little bit different, I don’t wish to look like everyone else. Also you have given me the courage to cut my hair short & dye it mauve, which will also get a few strange looks, but I don’t care because I love it! I love your style, screw the haters xx
Well said Jen if you hav not got a thing nice to say,say nothing at all Xx
Well said Jen. I really don’t understand the need to point out that you don’t like something. As you said, if you don’t like it – move on! If someone takes the time to post a photo of their outfit on Facebook and they are not asking for advice then it is a pretty sure bet that they are happy with the way it looks .. don’t diminish their confidence by trash talking it.
What a lot people don’t realise is that we too actually benefit by complimenting someone else – we become nicer people – we become more positive and encouraging people – we have a nicer day because we have wished someone have one.
I think you get it right 99% percent of the time according my personal taste … I know you get it right 100% percent of the time according to your personal taste and that is the percentage that matters. I think Kim K gets it wrong 100% of the time but that too is my personal taste … there is no reason for me to leave posts telling her so.
The other thing that “trolls” don’t know is you !!! Once the Jen I know picks her heavy heart up she is going to be back bigger and better than ever … she has beaten cancer FFS – trolls got nuthin’ !!! <3 <3 <3
Well said Jen. Everyone is different. What suits one person may not look as good on another. We are individuals. I know I have learnt a lot from your blog and BLB. At the moment I am blonde. Would never have been brave enough to cover my grey with blonde, but I have had mostly positive comments, so I am going to keep it like this for a while. Also my dress sense has changed because of you. I have actually found that I can go into a proper boutique and find something my size. I necer would have stepped foot in them before this year. Thank you Jen. xx
Hi Jen, I have never written a reply on a post before but felt compelled to after your recent experience. I am about to turn 47 and in the last 2 months have discovered your blog. I can’t tell you what it means to me as a size 18 that there is a stylish women around my age and size out there (in Australia). When I first read your posts it was if I was given permission to wear jeans and dresses (which I haven’t worn in years) and droppies if I wanted to. I haven’t worked up the courage to do it yet but you have at least given me that option. I thought well she’s a size 18 and looks fantastic, that might mean I could look that good too. I have indeed recently bought new jeans and a couple of dresses, one is a CHAMBRAY! I love watching your videos and eagerly await any new posts from you. Thank you so much for your honesty and realness. It’s made a HUGE difference to me and my confidence. I think for the first time in my adult life I am beginning to like my body. LOVE your work! xxx
The exact reason I’m no longer on facebook
I agree 100% , no-one can judge and those who write foul comments are just scum. I am in awe of your confidence and could care less attitude.
I watched EMBRACE recently by Taryn and it’s a must see for all.
Hope the bath helps to move you back to “you”. Unfortunately being human means you will never be immune from pain, in whatever form it comes in. I like the way you’ve responded to it and your plan to deal with it. I hope you remember this next time, because sure as eggs it will happen again. Enjoy the bath, hope it has bubbles and smells delicious.
Exactly Jen as we were taught if you haven’t got something nice to say just say or write nothing. Fashion is personal choice and if you are not into style good manners and helpful comments then yes you are in the wrong site. We love styling curvy and more importantly you Jenniwho is styling curvy. Wipe your feet and let’s have more good times. Thank you Jen for making my days brighter and way more stylish. ???
To think someone would walk in with their poopie shoes and leave such useless comments is beyond me but yet again you have handled this with true style … love, love, love
By the way the pants are fantastic and you wore them to perfection ??❤
As women we should be embracing and encouraging each other. If you haven’t anything nice to say, don’t say anything. We all lead busy lives and your blog and daily updates always make me smile.
They are just being ‘Nasty Arse Bitches!’ (xox to you)
Totally agree, if you don’t like it move on. Not necessary to drag people down, thats too easy, we should lift each other up.
Love your style, you certainly inspire me to wear things i may not have considered. xx
I’m not entirely sure what happened but can totally relate. I found out recently that the attack on my lack of a thigh group last year, the one that sent a male advocate group my way and resulted in a blog hack, was instigated by bloggers. Ones that I know. I’ve taken a huge step back from blogging and supporting other bloggers since then. But it’s kind of like letting them win. I thought about a blog post addressing some of the more negative side to running a successful blog but in the end I’ve just kept silent. Hoping they eventually lose interest and go away. The fact that each and every sponsored post attracks trolls would indicate they haven’t.
God Bless you Jen……Doing something you Love and having to deal with people who are “kings and Queens behind their keyboards”, Shame on them all. Move on negative people, there is nothing for you to see here, unless of course you are into building people up and making this life a better place with a smile and a nice comment. Love Love Love reading and seeing all you have to offer Jen!
Well said my lovely!!!! What is it about some people eh, get a life with positivity in it I say? LOVE your style, attitude and sheer guts……Thank you for showing us.xxxx
Well said Jen, you are there for us to be inspired by, and by jeez we are!
I know for one that myself and my 2 sisters love lots of your outfits, and drool over your shoes…. The three of us now all wear ‘kicks’ and have stepped out of our fashion comfort zones AND have all signed on for a styling session with you as we know you rock style for yourself and would like some of that expertise for us!
Do we try to be a mirror image of you? No, because we aren’t you, with your body shape etc, but we do love your attitude and your advice!
You can only be you, and you should wear what you want and what you feel good in, so don’t let anyone take your sparkle!
I can’t believe people think this sort of behaviour is ok. I’m sorry it has happened to you.
Let your community take care of the nasties for you Jen. I can’t imagine we would let others be cruel to you.
Keep posting. I can’t tell you how much your posts mean to me. xo
You’re a breath of fresh air on social media. Brush the poop aside and don’t let anyone dim your sparkle!
PS – loved those white pants, they looked fresh and suit your style!
Ignorant trolls who have no understanding that the person in the photo is an actual human, not some cardboard cutout / computer generated image. You know you rock. Let them chew on your awesomeness.
I will never ever understand why one woman would feel the need to insult or put down another. Hold your head high you beautiful human…. don’t ever let the sad eggs dull your sparkle xxx
I just read this and feel I must comment. Although I have only been lurking I have been inspired by your courage, style and generosity. Like so many women, I am no longer young and never was skinny or conventionally beautiful. Blogs by wonderful women like yourself have helped me, at 60+, to accept my body and dress in a way that feels and looks good to me. When people make hateful comments, it really does say much more about them than it does about the person they are putting down. Btw, you looked fantastic in those pants. Keep up the good work, because you really are making a difference.
Susan