A lot can happen in five years, people are born, they die, they live, laugh, lose and win. Time is a funny thing, it’s not really something we consider as a kid, then as we grow older we start wishing it away. Waiting for the school clock to strike three, hurry up and ask me to marry you, come on baby just come early, wishing time away so we can be on holidays, have kids done with school or just to get through a shitty movie.And then one day something makes us realise just how precious every single second really is.
Five years ago my life changed forever in a split second, well actually it was a succession of seconds that ticked over into minutes and hours but the second the nurse said “we just need to grab some more film of your left breast Mrs Eyles”…I knew shit was gonna go down.
I knew, what the mammogram would show, I knew what the ultrasound would show and as the doctor plunged three needles into my breast I knew what the biopsy results would say. And I was right, when I received the call at work a few days later informing me there was malignancy it didn’t come as a shock. When the next lot of biopsies said ‘invasive cancer’…well I’m not gonna lie, I wished it weren’t true. I wished I could go back in time and undo everything that led cancer to my body.
But of course I couldn’t. Instead I had to face it, I had to face it ALL. Cancer, fear, mortality, tears, tantrums, pain and love. You see, once you face it, accept it and own it you just get on with it, and what I know now is love trumps all.
At forty one I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer, it was in my breast and my lymph nodes, that’s the kinda news that can bring a gal to her knees. There were a few times I felt like I was on my knees, like the time I was begging my specialist for more time with my children, or crying in pain after all ten surgeries, wiping silent tears before each surgery, watching my children be forever changed and hating the times that my husband became my carer. That shit sux.
Treatment for breast cancer was tough going, it was painful and brutal and felt like it would never end. Here we are five years down the track and I can still smell and taste the chemo, I remember the poker hot pain of all sixteen drains that were removed, the pain of hundreds of needle punctures and the desperation I felt that had me wanting to end it all.
I can’t afford to dwell too long on the surgeries, treatment and rehab because pain does shitty things to my headspace. Just know it was awful. Know too that I wasn’t brave, I had no choice. I just did what I had to. I wanted to live, was desperate for more time…time that I believed was promised but truth was, in an instant it can be snatched away. Sure, I put in some hard yards, did things I never imagined I would and wore my big girl panties over and over, and here I am…still standing. Heck, I’m thriving!
Cancer changed my body, my mind, my family…our lives. For a while there it was all a bit of a shit sandwich, but when things are tough to really win it’s all about the lessons learned and how you choose to move forward.
I’ve learned to live with the constant daily pain, to accept my new body today as it is and to surrender to the ongoing side effects.
I’ve embraced life, like never before! I live life harder, love deeper and give less fucks about shit that doesn’t really matter. And that right there is a gift, in fact cancer gave my many gifts and continues to do so.
I worry less, listen more, don’t leave words left unsaid and I feel gratitude in bucket loads. I’m forever fucking grateful to those who stood by my side through treatment and those who back me today.
So here we are today, I’m thousands of kilometres away from the huz and both my children, and at first that made my heart ache. But, I’m living…grabbing life by the pony tail and doing ALL the things which is a bloody great thing right! This is what we all fought for. More days, more years and to experience more.
Today this Mumma from the burbs who cried hot, desperate tears to a surgeon five years ago is getting her fancy face on. I’m at a photo shoot, working, giggling, breathing, doing, experiencing…I’m living life baby and life is loving me back. Am I the luckiest or what!
Thankyou to the doctors, nurses, surgeons, specialists and all the other medical staff who have brought me to where I am today.
Thankyou to friends new and old who have supported me.
Thankyou to my children who bore and saw too much but aren’t nearly as fucked up as they could be.
Thankyou to my darling huz, the man who loved me through the uncertainty, fear and pain. The man who lifts me, leads me and sets me free. Without you life would be unbearable, so let’s do what we set out to do 25 years ago and keep living this gloriously wonderful life together….no matter how many sunsets remain.
Here’s cheers to five years, let the next five and beyond be ridiculously awesome!
ChrisTine loy says
September 20, 2017 at 4:56 amJen you are inspirational, congratulations on this landmark and keep living this wonderful life to the fullest ❤️
Joan manners says
September 20, 2017 at 5:40 amTears rolling down my face .. what an amazing honest spirited woman you are…I had my first cancer 45 years ago ..wow time flies but survive we do… we grow as women and realise just amazing our bodies and mental spirit are…, I wish you a very long and happy life … you constantly inspire me ❤️
Barb ovesen says
September 20, 2017 at 5:57 amI’m so happy for you Jen!!! You definetly have a calling to inspire women! And that
You do in an amazing way!!! Hugs girl! You Rock!
Louise taylor says
September 20, 2017 at 6:01 amOh Jen. What a moving and inspirational post. I feel words just don’t justify what I want to say. You’re amazing. What a struggle you’ve been through. Not only did you beat it, you SMASHED it baby! congratulations to reaching 5 years – that’s awesome. And you’re making such a difference to others by living your life to the fullest. I for one am glad I’ve been able to watch you thrive and hope your life continues along this shiny shiny path.
Lisa mck says
September 20, 2017 at 6:10 amJenni thank you for writing this and thank you for being real,cancer may have changed you but I for one and am so glad you’re hear to appreciate life Xx
Sandra Bradshaw says
September 20, 2017 at 6:23 amI’m a 16 month BC survivor!
Yes it certainly puts your life on a different track. At 64 I retired last Friday and look forward to a healthy, happy and adventurous Retirement.
Being like you, I surrounded by a wonderful family, loving hubby and 2 beautiful sons. Treatment and recovery were made a whole lot easier! Though the dark holes that I wanted to jump into, they were always there!
Tomorrow is my final hurdle, TE to be removed implant inserted, reduction on my healthy breast, and at the end of the day, I will emerge with a new set of boobs, smaller and perkier than pre BC, There has to be some perks to this incideous disease!
Here’s to all us Cancer survivors………with all the hot flushes, joint pain, insomnia etc etc etc…….
WE ROCK! ?!
Jonesy says
September 20, 2017 at 6:25 amTits a good day to celebrate!!
Kirrily says
September 20, 2017 at 6:55 amCongratulations Jen on your 5 year cancerversary. It is so wonderful to see success stories like yours grabbing life and running with it. A true inspiration to all who are facing an uncertain future. Much love to you as you continue to thrive in this new, changed, wonderful life you have crested.
You are a shining star, my friend ?
Sharon says
September 20, 2017 at 7:06 amBravo Bravo Brave Lady. What an awesome chick you are. You have such a gift with words and say it how it is. That’s why people are drawn to you. Straight from the inside, pure of heart and you always keep it real. You’ve had your fair share of shit but you choose to be positive. I love it. You’re my kinda gal. Have The best Day today. Do what your Heart Desires , eat what attracts your eyes, and soak up some Sunshine ☀️ Do what you wanna do , be who you wanna be. You’re kicking cancer right up the ass and you prove to us all that’s there is so much to live for.
Thankyou Jen ? xx
Monica Crane says
September 20, 2017 at 8:33 amJen I can’t believe that I have recently started to follow you As a nurse and a friend of quite a few breast cancer ladies I take my hat of to you for putting it out there
Keep shining , laughing and living If your ever in Canberra would love to catch up
Warmest wishes monica
Donna says
September 20, 2017 at 8:52 amOh dear my eyes are leaking. What an inspiration you are. None of us knows what is around the corner, its scary. You inspire me with your great attitude and now after reading what you have said here I feel even more inspired. Here I am this morning complaining about having painters in m home making a bloody mess but hey at least I woke up this morning. Keep doing what you are doing lovely lady. We all just love you to pieces in a non stalker way lol.
Vicki randell says
September 20, 2017 at 8:53 amAll our lives would be less rich without you. You and Connie Johnson have inspired many women and men, including those lucky few whose lives have yet been untouched by cancer. Keep up the good life!
Ann says
September 20, 2017 at 9:05 amThat was the best blog, said it like it is, you have a fabulous, caring husband and each day is a bonus to all of us. Live life to the full and grow old disgracefully. Have a super fun day. ? ?
cheekie says
September 20, 2017 at 9:37 amYou are absolutely wonderful and destined to grow old and style us all the way!
julie says
September 20, 2017 at 10:18 amIts wonderful to read about your story and to see you so happy and healthy full of love & life. Making the most of everyday. Cancer or any illness, does make you put aside the shit and treasure every day. Life’s too Bloody short. Congrats on your milestone x
Barbara sokol says
September 20, 2017 at 11:01 amJust wiping the tears away, sad and happy ones! You go girl!?????????
CATE says
September 20, 2017 at 12:24 pmHere I sit -lapping up those precious minutes sitting in some rare but gorgeous sunshine…..7 months into my own ‘journey’ thru breast cancer. Thank you for putting into words my thoughts, for mirroring my fears, for realising my life is still to be lived. It is reassuring how much and how many of your words are mine too.
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
September 20, 2017 at 1:24 pmI can totally relate to this – I’m hitting the six year mark next month. Cancer took so much away from you, but you’ve reclaimed all that back and more. You were just made to be awesome. I love the way you live your lift with such enthusiasm – you’re an inspiration to us all! xx
Caitlin | Twist of Cait says
September 20, 2017 at 1:29 pmYou’re a super star Jen, you inspire me each and every day… here’s to all the sunsets coming your way x
Jen Ryan says
September 20, 2017 at 6:00 pmBless ya cotton Kaftans Jen…have followed the last few years with nothing but administration for you as a human a woman a Mumma a partner a stylista…your generous heart & beautiful soul that gives back to so many is truely amazing…..pat yourself on the back girlfriend! Keeping it real all the way ?
I’m working on this as my mantra.
“I live life harder, love deeper and give less fucks about shit that doesn’t really matter”
Thankyou for being you ???
Kate gorgosity says
September 20, 2017 at 6:27 pmWonderful post Jen, and I wish you many more years ahead. Today my beautiful mum who is 81 yo was diagnosed with an aggressive stage 4 small cell lung cancer. I’m heart broken. I have not cried as much as I have over the last week when they first discovered the tumour.
More tests ahead to determine how extensive the cancer is and whether there are any treatment options available.
Time to be strong and do what I can for my beautiful mum. I. Have to learn to be strong and resilient like her. She took it on the chin.
Bron Boyd says
September 25, 2017 at 6:37 amHi, having recently being diagnosed with lung cancer, multiple lung biopsies & losing half a lung (not a fun surgery) I can relate to a lot of what you say. Very very inspiring blog – particularly as I am at the start of this pretty awful journey with a very uncertain path & ending. Needed to read this today. Keep strong.
Jenni says
September 25, 2017 at 6:59 amHi Bron
I can imagine that was a tough surgery lovely, a huge one!! Take care of yourself xx
joanne says
November 12, 2017 at 3:13 pmWow, Im so pleased ive started to follow you on fb and your blog. So inspiring .
I’m an 8 month cancer survivor to date and im off next week to have all of my scans . Im freaking out and extremely anxious. After enduring 9months of treatment, and 8 months home now getting back into the swing of family life, im dreading the return of the ugly C! The effort of constantly avoiding processed food, exercise including mindfulness along with work, household management wears you down. But then i read more of your journey and know that i can stay positive and motivated. I too have an amazing Hubby, gorgeous kids and an amazing network of extended family and friends that have my back.. To the power of positivity ?
Jenni says
November 12, 2017 at 3:15 pmWelcome Joanne! It’s sooo normal to get scanxiety…a little anxiety around checkups and scans, hoping all goes well x