Forgiveness is so freaking hard to do. I’m stuck in the forgiveness trap, do I or don’t I?
You see I’m hurt, I’m battered and I’ve had enough.
I’m sick of the guilt trip, feeling like I should give in because it’s ‘the right thing to do’. I did it for years, too many years and then I took back my power and said ‘enough’.
When I was sick with cancer we had amazing people step up and immerse themselves in our darkest time. They were there…they were present. These people gave us strength, love and hope. We are forever grateful to these good humans.
They helped me enormously, they supported my husband, but unfortunately it was the boys that missed out.
Who was there for them? It should have been family but sadly they weren’t, and that cuts deep.
There’s family that didn’t step up, didn’t call, ask, help…love. Then they whisper behind closed doors. I hate this. It’s gutless and insensitive and so bloody ‘high school’. It’s not love.
So I closed the door and said ‘enough’. And now, without a ‘sorry’ or explanation some want me to open the door again.
I don’t know if I can. Guilt, shame, fear, anger…such ugly and harmful branches of forgiveness. How do we forgive? Can we ever forget?
Got any tips for me?
til next time,