FRIEND OR FOE?

 

Sometimes we need to reflect on friendships and recognise their purpose and strengths, and sometimes we also need to recognise their reckless nature and the impact they are having on our lives. Stop surrounding yourself with people who don’t believe in you…what a drag hey!

Friends should lift us, be our cheerleaders, make us feel safe and make us smile. A good friendship feels good, so if you have friends that aren’t making you feel good you might need to look at why?

Throughout my cancer treatment I had long term friendships that ended and also welcomed new friends into my life. There’s nothing like a ‘life emergency’ to really highlight how your friendships were truly functioning.

If we look deeper into our friendships we can see the fractures and then decide if it’s worth mending, fixing or just letting go of.

It’s ok to let go of friendships, as long as you don’t carry hurt, anger, shame and other negative feelings. Just let it go and make room to welcome new friends and new experiences.

Letting go isn’t always easy but trust me, treat it like ripping a band-aid, make it quick and get it done before the unhealthy relationship festers into something more sinister. Keep your words and reasoning for ending the friendship short and sweet and wrap it up quickly.

Failing friendships aren’t always one sided and sometimes we play our own role in how the friendship headed south, the trick is to own that and not get involved in the blame game.

On the flipside, if you think a friendship is worth salvaging and you recognise you could do more to resurrect the friendship then step up to the plate and do more.

Sometimes life is full and busy and we can let friendships flounder, not paying our friends the attention they need and deserve, it’s easy to allow this to happen and we’re all guilty of it. Make a call, schedule in a catch up or send a message to let them know you care until you can spend quality time together again.

Friendships are an extension of you, what you hold dear and what you don’t so if you find that the values held by friends aren’t syncing with yours then know that it’s ok to let go.

One sided friendships are the worst, draining friendships that leave you feeling flat, not heard and full of pain and disappointment. You deserve better than that so cut those friends loose pronto!

Not everyone makes it into your future, make the ones that do feature worth your energy.

CHECKLIST FOR EVALUATING A FRIENDSHIP.

-Does the friendship feel one sided?

-Am I heard?

-Do I need lots of friends to make me happy?

-Does my friend celebrate my wins?

-Do I cringe at conversation?

-Do I feel good around my friend?

-Is trust broken?

-Would I miss out not having this friend in my life?

– Can I do something to nurture or mend a friendship.

-What’s important to me to receive from a friendship.

-How does a healthy friendship feel to me?

If you feel like a friendship isn’t working as it should be, ask yourself these questions, you’ll know what needs to be done. Life is short,  get on with it. 🙂

til next time,

Jen x