Sometimes we need to reflect on friendships and recognise their purpose and strengths, and sometimes we also need to recognise their reckless nature and the impact they are having on our lives. Stop surrounding yourself with people who don’t believe in you…what a drag hey!
Friends should lift us, be our cheerleaders, make us feel safe and make us smile. A good friendship feels good, so if you have friends that aren’t making you feel good you might need to look at why?
Throughout my cancer treatment I had long term friendships that ended and also welcomed new friends into my life. There’s nothing like a ‘life emergency’ to really highlight how your friendships were truly functioning.
If we look deeper into our friendships we can see the fractures and then decide if it’s worth mending, fixing or just letting go of.
It’s ok to let go of friendships, as long as you don’t carry hurt, anger, shame and other negative feelings. Just let it go and make room to welcome new friends and new experiences.
Letting go isn’t always easy but trust me, treat it like ripping a band-aid, make it quick and get it done before the unhealthy relationship festers into something more sinister. Keep your words and reasoning for ending the friendship short and sweet and wrap it up quickly.
Failing friendships aren’t always one sided and sometimes we play our own role in how the friendship headed south, the trick is to own that and not get involved in the blame game.
On the flipside, if you think a friendship is worth salvaging and you recognise you could do more to resurrect the friendship then step up to the plate and do more.
Sometimes life is full and busy and we can let friendships flounder, not paying our friends the attention they need and deserve, it’s easy to allow this to happen and we’re all guilty of it. Make a call, schedule in a catch up or send a message to let them know you care until you can spend quality time together again.
Friendships are an extension of you, what you hold dear and what you don’t so if you find that the values held by friends aren’t syncing with yours then know that it’s ok to let go.
One sided friendships are the worst, draining friendships that leave you feeling flat, not heard and full of pain and disappointment. You deserve better than that so cut those friends loose pronto!
Not everyone makes it into your future, make the ones that do feature worth your energy.
CHECKLIST FOR EVALUATING A FRIENDSHIP.
-Does the friendship feel one sided?
-Am I heard?
-Do I need lots of friends to make me happy?
-Does my friend celebrate my wins?
-Do I cringe at conversation?
-Do I feel good around my friend?
-Is trust broken?
-Would I miss out not having this friend in my life?
– Can I do something to nurture or mend a friendship.
-What’s important to me to receive from a friendship.
-How does a healthy friendship feel to me?
If you feel like a friendship isn’t working as it should be, ask yourself these questions, you’ll know what needs to be done. Life is short, get on with it. 🙂
Some of my friends have dropped off since my cancer diagonosis which is understandable as I suppose they are either not sure what to do or say or are simply giving me some space to heal and rest. I am not making quick judgements as everyone has times of ups and downs in their lives and people get busy but to be honest part of me is a little unsure and hurt. Your post is a good reminder that it’s ok to reach out thanks from Marian
Absolutely understandable, feeling hurt is a natural response Marian. Sometimes they come back and then there’s those that were meant to say see ya ? Xx
Do you have some tips on how to walk away from the friendship-what to say?
Kristine it really depends on ‘why’ you need to let go. My suggestion would be get clear, balance up the pros and cons and donut swiftly. Be honest, don’t draw it out and try to stay calm. Xx
Breaking up with a long-term friend is hard but when they aren’t the person you originally became friends with and just bring drama that goes beyond the point of salvation and relationship-mending, then it’s got to be done, despite the heartache.
Absolutely Beth, we all change or are at different stages of life…sometimes no longer compatible. It can hurt but can also make room for special friendships to flourish X
I think there are so many reasons why friends come and go. My friendship circle is so different to what it was five or even ten years ago. I think it’s so important to say goodbye and accept that some friendships just don’t do it for us anymore and allow time and space for people that do! That’s a great list by the way!
Thanks Sammie, my friends have changed with different stages of my life too. I know I need to step up my game and make time for some friends too, 2016 is about ‘balance’ and making more time for those friends X
This is so true Jenni – so well written and extremely thought provoking xx
Thankyou Bev, something you’ve also been through xx
Hi Jenni, that was good and timely for me to read. I would love some (new) friends. Mine have drifted away due to lack of things in common, remarriages, life mainly… so now there is a big gap! Just not sure how to make and get new ones? 🙂