Today I had a meeting, which in itself isn’t unusual because as a small business owner I attend several meetings a week. But, this one was different, one I had been putting off for around twelve months and one I was nervous to tell you all about. But I have done it, attended my meeting and just like pulling off a bandaid I am going to tell you about it. Please, don’t judge me and don’t send me nasty mail.
Today I signed up at Jenny Craig. Not sponsored, just sick of my guts flopping over my lady garden.
Let me be clear, I love my body, I am proud of my body and I have body confidence in bucket-loads.
I also have skin tags, sweat where I don’t like it, breathlessness, insomnia, back fat, tight clothes and really, really bad eating habits.
I have tried to go it alone. I have eaten all the bloody chia, coconut, buckwheat, organic, vegany, stuff I could get my hands on and…I still got fat. In fact I am 22 kilograms heavier than I was just two years ago. It’s hard yakka lugging that extra weight around and I am just fed up with it. So before I fall down the slippery slope of self destruction and being fed up with myself I decided to do something about it.
So after a discussion with the huz and a ‘last meal’ at my fave cafe (duck leg crumpets with haloumi and yes, it was amazing) I walked into Jenny Craig and signed up. Oh you can bet I was nervous, so nervous I drove into the car park and out again, I decided a manicure and pedicure was needed instead. After settling my nerves and getting some fab polish on my nails I headed back to Jenny Craig and walked in the door.
So I bet some of you are wondering ‘why the nerves Jen’? Well, I just don’t want to be judged, I don’t want to get shamed and slammed online as the Curvy Blogger who went on a diet. But you know what, I need to do this for me. I am not on a diet because I hate myself, I am on a diet because I love myself. Aaand also because I love food and have created some incredibly bad food habits.
I will say sorry, not for being on a diet but to all the fab restaurants and cafes that I frequent (daily). You won’t be seeing me for a while. I need to stay away from your foody goodness for a while and sort some shit out, ok.
I won’t say sorry for wanting to change, for wanting to feel better, be healthier and trusting my instincts. I have not turned my back on the ‘sisterhood’. I will not judge others based on their size or weight. In fact I don’t actually give a rats clacker how you choose to live your life…as long as you are happy.
I have lived in a body that has weighed seventy kilograms and one that has weighed one hundred and thirty six kilograms. My body has been abused by others and by me. It has birthed children and fought cancer and right now I need to give it some extra love and look after it.
I have worked around retail fashion for over thirty years, and have had Styling Curvy for nearly five years. I hear you. I see you and I will keep sharing more for all the curvy babes who follow. I will not turn my back on you, ok!
Shit I am sounding like I am going to fade away to shadow which I can assure you will never happen. But, I might change shape and some of you might think ‘what does she know, she’s not plus size enough‘? I know fashion, I know what it is like to feel body shame, I know how it feels to uncomfortable in your own skin…too big, too much for some. I also know how to love myself no matter what my size, shape or the number on the scale, so I gotchya babes…I got YOU! OK.
All I ask is that you return the favour. I can’t bear to be ridiculed or shamed because I chose to ask for help to lose some weight. So please, can you have my back too? Is that ok?
Alright, I am off to do some reading, drink some water and plan some meals. Because while diets can bring results they are also boring AF and I am now gonna be ‘that girl’ with the cottage cheese and mineral water…for a while 🙂
til next time