Man oh man this body of mine has been to hell and back. Over the years it’s had some hard knocks. Sexual abuse fucked with my mind for way longer than I would have liked it to, birthing babies (while amazing) messed with my weight/bladder/confidence and cancer treatment…well, where do I start?
I’ve written loads about cancer treatment and I’m proud to say that mentally I’m in a good space, actually I’m in a really good space. The body though, well she’s going through more changes and I’m having to adjust…again!
This time it’s hormones which is ironic becaue I’ve been in forced menopause since that first bloody round of chemo back in late November 2012. Uh huh, those drugs went into my veins and my lady bits shut up shop, it was NO pubes and NO periods LOL. The pubes grew back, thank goodness (because my vag sans minge freaked me out a little), but the periods have never returned.
Some might celebrate being free of purchasing tampons and dealing with bloat and cramps but I mourned it. Geeez I know, I wanna slap myself after writing that sentence too. But, I did mourn it. I mourned it ALL because it felt like it was just one more thing that cancer took from me ‘before I was ready’.
I was instantly plunged into a forced menopause, no lead up, no ‘getting to know you’ symptoms, it was just BAM! You’re fucked! Oh nooo, not in a ‘horny/steamy’ way either, although there was plenty of heat, I was hot all the freakin time. Sweat became part of my everyday life, day and night the freight train of menopause barelled on and the furnace was stoked, surprisingly by having NO hormones. Oh and did I tell you that the regular medications I have just amplified the side effects? Menopause is a fucking comedian!
The good news is I adapted, I eventually accepted my body and new life and got on with life. I loved the shit outa my body, showed her grattitude and did all the ‘stuff’ to keep the side effects in their box.
Then just before Christmas last year came my tenth (and fingers crossed final) surgery. I signed the forms and backed up again for the blackest of sleeps as the surgeons plunged their tools inside my guts and removed most of my girly bits. The surgery went well, I recovered like a rock star (because I am) and revelled at the thought of never having to sit in a chemo chair every freakin month for a fucking massive needle in my now supersized guts. Never ever!
Yeah, the surgery meant no more monthly injections (just the daily tablets), it’s a gift because the Doc wanted me to do those bloody injections for fifteen years. I know! Fifteen years every single month! Calm your farm Doc.
I perservered and did three years, but then the whole ‘back in a chemo ward every month’ messed with my head and my happy go lucky attitude so I begged the doc to sign the forms and give me permisssion to be carved up once again. He obliged because a menopausal bitch in your office every months is no fun for anyone.
Like I said though, rock star recovery…kinda.
My body is feeling ALL the feels of life without the monthly injection (and girly bits). The pill I take daily is no longer masked by the injection. Side effects are blurred and weird and different and frankly, they’ve been pretty shit.
So I’m focusing on ‘me’. I’m making 2017 about tuning back into me, taking the time to put myself first and hi fiving myself for taking back some power. Sure I’ll keep working and look after my family, I’ll even put some effort into looking after the house…but my priority is me and looking after this body that I’m so bloody fortunate to have.
SO HOW AM I LOOKING AFTER ME?
Thanks for asking 🙂
-working less hours.
-decluttering my whole life
-looking after my diet with portion control and mindful eating.
-putting less crappy and more amazing things into my body
-moving more (not loads but more)
-learning more about food and other amazing products that will benefit me
-cutting myself some slack while also giving myself a good kick up the arse
-being open to new things that will aid me to achieve a healthy body and mind
In a nutshell, I’m giving a damn. Guys, I’m making menopause my bitch!
It’s easy to lose focus and I had kinda done that over the last two years, but the latest surgery and new side effects have jolted me back into reality. Life is short, live it and live it well. Do what needs to be done to afford yourself a quality life.
I’ve also started a private group on Facebook ( I know, I’m doing it again), and started a hashtag #thisishealthierme. The group is a place for everyone to share and feel supported on their journey to a version of their ‘healthier me’. The hashtag is a way for me to share pics of my journey, it keeps me accountable and will be awesome to look back on. The great thing is that anyone can use the hashtag #thisishealthierme and I can follow their journey and hi 5 them…we can all support each other.
If the closed group sounds like something you would like to be a part of then click HERE to join. Oh, and I also have the hashtag #yourbodyconfident, share it when you share your style pics (no matter your size or shape).
So that’s where I’m at, life is everchanging isn’t it? I’m rolling with the twists and turns and determined to live a ridiculously awesome life, be a shame not to really.
til next time,