I never daydreamed about being a Mum, never imagined or planned the perfect wedding in my head and never thought about beginings and endings. Life was just life, until the day I peed on a stick and BAM I had a bun in the oven.
I was a young Mum (by todays standards) delivering our first son at twenty three, but you know what…it just felt right, I loved my husband madly and loved both my kids before I met them, and I will love them all until I take my last breath…and beyond.
Having kids felt like the natural progression in our relationship for the huz and I. Raising our boys we didn’t have much outside intervention, we brought up our boys with love, intuition and on a wing and a prayer. That’s right, we pretty much just winged it.
Now our boys are nineteen and twenty two and Motherhood is incredibly different. Gone are the days of milky breath snuggles, 2am feeds and showering with a pram in the bathroom because your kid had to see you every single freakin minute of every single freakin day.
Mid morning strolls to the local playground are a memory, playdough pizzas and hot wheels tracks that go on forever, something I miss. Delivering fresh baked biscuits and sausage rolls to blanket forts constructed with dining chairs and pegs are a memory that still make me smile.
Even though I was rushing for my kids to hit the milestones like rolling over, talking, walking and ball kicking my boys grew up too fast. What I now know is that life is what happens on the way to the ‘milestones’. Memories are made from rituals and living life in the slow lane.
Kids struggle to be kids these days but parents struggle too. Both are under pressure and over scheduled. Making space to be in the moment and really feel each stage can be difficult, but it’s so important. Before you know it your kids go from bedtime stories finnished off with shadow puppets to coming home at 5am and sleeping all day.
I loved all the stages of my boys childhoods, sure some had challenges but mostly they were good and easy . Then they hit teenage years and the challenges became bigger and the distance wider, it should have been a dead giveaway to me that the last stitches in the apron string were ready to snap but I was holding onto it for dear life, not ready to let go.
But here’s the thing, from the very day my babies exited my body and entered the world, I’ve been letting go. I just didn’t realize it. Mumming is a gift and a joy and sure it’s filled with sunshine and lollipops but it’s also tireing, overwhelming, heartbreaking, nerve wracking and looong.
Yes, Mumming goes on forever! Whether your children are in your arms, by your side, on the other side of the world or in the playground in the sky being a mum is a forever gig. Managing the different stages of forever Mumming, now that’s the challenge.
These days Mumming is different, sometimes my kids who are now men frustrate the shit outa me and on other days my chest bursts with pride at the decent humans they are. I have had to step back and at times shutup. I have to turn a blind eye, tune out and I really have to stop judging and wanting to be right. I also have to stop saying ‘what the fuck’ and giving them the middle finger.
But now there’s a void, an imaginary line that I can no longer cross. Once I was a Mum who knew all and could fix all but now things are different.
For me, I struggle between wanting to know their every move and not wanting to know. Wanting them to eat their greens and then giving in and buying bloody sustagen because they won’t eat anything but noodles and Villis pies at 2am. I want them to be safe, nutritionally balanced, clean, safe, well rested, independant, SAFE and…happy.
What I really want is for them to be ‘happy’. We say that but it’s not until our world and family was rocked by my illness did we really understand the importance of happiness. I spent years wanting my kids to be bigger, brighter and better and what I know now is all they need is to be happy. You can be bigger, brighter and better but if you’re not happy then you have nothing. Kids will get there, they will become confident adults and succeed in life if and when they are happy.
So while I’m in struggletown adjusting to this stage of Mumming I know this is exactly how it’s meant to be. I’m gonna be ok, and so will they. Soon enough we will enter a different stage and they will fly the nest and the huz and I will be a couple on our own once again. Then there will be grandkids and extended families and Mumming will change…again.
One thing that will never change is the joy I receive from being a Mum and the love I have for my boys. It’s an honour being their Mum.
Til next time,
Jen x
Michelle says
May 14, 2017 at 5:21 amBeautiful girl xxx
Erica Davis says
May 14, 2017 at 7:04 amExactly. This love thing is a mystery ain’t it, growing, changing. multiplying, the great world of mumming. I would cry during my second bun in the oven journey.thinking, how can I love another as I love number 1 and bingo it happened. Now I have the most perfect Grandys and she just keeps right on expanding. Magic. Happy mummies day
Suzanne says
May 14, 2017 at 6:39 amThat was beautiful. Happy Mothers Day!
Krista says
May 14, 2017 at 6:43 amSo beautifully written & so very very true. That balance now they are older of letting go but still wanting them close is hard but you know this is something all mums go through..
The best job in the world. ❤
Happy Mothers Day.
Christine says
May 14, 2017 at 7:27 amHappy Mother’s Day Jenni!! This Mumming privilege is real. Loving them to the point where you think your heart will burst. Worrying about them until your brain will break and your stomach hurts beyond belief. Cuddles you hope will never end. Raising happy humans that contribute in their way to a better world is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, them and the world. ❤️❤️
Louise says
May 14, 2017 at 7:33 amBeautifully said. Today for me is bliss. My 17 and 20 yo are sleeping soundly in their beds, my husband happy watching Vikings, my geriatric dog happily barking at my younger puppy; the fire is crackling, I have tea by my side and brunch has been organised for 10.30. In 2 days my eldest jets off to Europe and I am full of glee for her. They fly the coup, but soon return. I’ve enjoyed being a mum more than anything I’ve done.❤❤❤
Andrea says
May 14, 2017 at 7:46 amBeautifully written, made me cry! Have to enjoy it all don’t we. X
claire says
May 14, 2017 at 7:47 amI loved reading this article and could relate to everything. Happy Mothers Day!
Marie-Louise says
May 14, 2017 at 8:09 amAs a mother of two boys,19 and 21, everything you wrote resonated… I am missing my boys especially today as they cannot come up to visit…one is working all day and the other has found himself on crutches following a football game yesterday afternoon. The price of letting go as a mum is hard and yet I am so proud of my eldest who supports himself in his studies and similarly proud of my second who had actually put money in his dad’s car to drive up to the mid north to visit …..I cannot help but laugh as he first rings to say “what do I do, the club says check it out at the hospital ?” and then ” but mum I’ve put fuel in the car! ” mothering is an honour but as you say Jenni it certainly does not get easier over time – the challenges are just different!
Dani says
May 14, 2017 at 8:47 amYou hit the nail on the head! BAM! ?
Sue says
May 14, 2017 at 10:22 amThat’s beautiful and oh so true Jenni ? motherhood certainly is a trip!
Maxine kelly says
May 14, 2017 at 11:02 amWell written Jen and your words are so true by far being Mum and Nan are what makes my heart sing. Happy Mother’s Day to us and all our ladies. ???
Tracey B says
May 14, 2017 at 11:33 amBeautiful and so true Jenni. My boys are 16 and 18 and the past few months of having a newly turned 18 year old has added a few grey hairs through (mostly unwarranted) worry. The apron strings are definitely straining with number one son, but I’m still holding on pretty tightly.
I dreamed of being a mum, planned and calculated – dated for 3 years, married for 5 years, built a house, had a baby, 2 years later had another…. then the best laid plans started to slide. #1 baby was easy, did everything by the book and I couldn’t wait to add to our brood. #2 baby had a traumatic delivery and was very unsettled and clingy, I developed severe PND following a harrowing pregnancy and birth… that’s when life showed me that I could plan and calculate all I wanted, but stuff happens, life happens, shit happens.
I still make plans and set goals, but I’ve learned to be much less rigid, to go with the flow (and a do lot of winging it).
Your post reminded me of the wonderful joys of having 2 little boys who also loved to build blanket forts, create with play doh and construct Thomas the Tank and Hot Wheels tracks. They danced and sang to The Wiggles, Hi 5 and The Hooley Dooleys. We took hundreds of trips to the park, walked daily to kindy and school as they explored every leaf, stick and rock along the way. These simple memories make my heart sing with joy and as I hug my big, hairy, deep voiced young men today, I still remember their innocent cherubic faces smiling up at me with such true love and adoration. They’ll always be my little boys even though they look down at me now and kiss the top of my head like I used to to to them.
Emma crouch says
May 14, 2017 at 2:57 pmWonderful read Thankyou ?? Happy Mother’s Day to you, and as others have said, so much of what you write about mumming resonates. I’m not there with your boys ages yet, I’m currently stuck in the world of wanting to do it all for them, but wanting them to do it all for themselves. It’s a bitter battle of the worlds for sure! Much love x
Veronica says
May 14, 2017 at 3:12 pmYou have got it all in a nutshell there Jen x
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
May 15, 2017 at 5:23 amI met up with two of my oldest friends this week, one from high school and one from uni too. They both met too, and one with teenage boys asked the one with grown up boys (or of similar age to yours) if mumming got easier, to which the other replied, no, not easier, it’s just different. Then we all had a chuckle because as you say mumming is a lifetime career, it never ends! I know the mother/child relationship is always changing but one things stays the same, love! Your boys are so blessed to have you as their mum.
Jenni says
May 15, 2017 at 8:32 amSpot on Sammie, bigger kids equals bigger problems but also bigger love and love trumps all x
Marie Mccor says
May 15, 2017 at 12:09 pmSo true and so beautifully written Xx
PamHill says
July 9, 2017 at 8:28 amBeautifully put Jenni. It’s harder for me now I have cancer and my three kids are trying to mother me. Plus I have two stepchildren, my stepdaughter your age. They have grown into wonderful people who have found happiness in the jobs they do, their partners and the wonderful grandchildren they have given me. They talk about how strict I was and amazingly now approve. A lot changes when they become parents. You have all this to look forward to but you never stop being their mum. It’s a job for life.