There’s nothing like watching your husband crouching in front of a breast cancer tribute wall as he pins his tribute…a tribute to his wife.
Yup, as I watched and snapped pics tears leaked from my eyes and my thoughts raced away with me. My chest hurt as I pictured that he could be doing that without me here. Of course ‘I am here’ because cancer is not taking me.
Mother’s Day for me isn’t about celebrating my mother, instead it’s about my husband and my own boys and these days it’s about breast cancer. Sure, I did the treatment and fingers crossed cancer will stay away but breast cancer will always be a part of our lives. Always.
I take medication daily that has its own side effects, I’m in an oncology ward once a month for a needle, I’m covered in scars, live with pain and restrictions and no matter how ‘positive’ I am I’m very aware of my percentages. On the flip side I’m here…I draw breath, can cuddle my kids, lay beside my mister every night and plan to keep doing all of these things.
One look around a Mothers Day Classic and you will see plenty of tribute cards with heartfelt and painful messages about women no longer here. Women who won’t see grandkids, graduations, weddings, promotions, birthdays…they won’t see anything because cancer cut their life short.
You will also see women walking with a limp, a bald head, lopsided chests and surrounded by support crews. They aren’t always easy to pick but because that was me, I can pick them every single time.
Then there’s women like me…the survivors or as I like to say ‘thrivers’. The ones who are full of life, proud, grateful and the ones who have leaky eyes because they know how freakin close they came to death…they know that life can change in an instant.
Every year now I walk with my mister and my dear friend Ann and her hubby. In Brisbane my dear cousin Ness runs and when she texts through her pics my heart is so full of joy and pride it feels like it might actually break.
Even though it was windy and wet I didn’t care, how could I care? Sheesh, I am sooo lucky to be standing in that wind and rain, right?! I saw kids the same age as my own boys who had no mother and felt like I wanted to hug them (I didn’t because…creepy).
I saw a husband pin his tribute card to the wall flanked by 2 little girls in tutus with wet ponytails…his tribute was for his wife who was no longer here. Far out, it gets me in the heart.
Of course when cancer is part of your life it affects every day not just ‘Mothers Day’, but how wonderful that all over Australia we have a day where we can come together united…giving strength and drawing strength. There’s lots of pink, medals, coffee, support groups, volunteers, exercise warm ups, choirs, merchandise and more.
Sure it’s sad but also extremely uplifting, which is why my Mister and I will do the walk every single year.
Oh, and this is the rainbow that appeared as we arrived…all the lovely women looking down from above…smiling.
til next time,
Jen x
Learn more about the Mothers Day Classic HERE
Jill eldridge says
May 10, 2015 at 5:58 pmOh Jen that was so awesome bought tears to my eyes breast cancer scars us all in all sorts of ways, you speak from the heart and I adore your posts.
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 6:20 pmThanks Jill. With 1 in 8 Aussie women receiving a BC diagnosis(by age 80)I think we are all touched by it somehow. All cancers are insidious and devastating. Xx
Raquel says
May 10, 2015 at 6:22 pmBeautiful words xxx
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 6:27 pmThanks Raquel x
Karen wilson says
May 10, 2015 at 6:23 pmDid the Brisbane 8km walk with my hubby and daughter this morning – beautiful, sunny, blue sky day. I cried when I saw a lovely man with a photo of his wife on his tshirt that said he was walking in her memory of his beautiful wife, then I saw his daughter (about same age as mine), with the same photo and hers said ‘in memory of my mummy’. I read lots of tribute cards as we walked the course. When I was writing my tribute card, I actually shocked myself a bit at the number of women I have known that have gone through breast cancer – some have sadly passed and some are still here, enjoying life with their families. I thought of you too Jen, with your gorgeous, cheeky smile – so happy to be living life with your boys and mister. So glad you got to enjoy your day today with the people you love. Xx
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 6:29 pmOh Karen, firstly ‘Thankyou’ for walking that’s besutiful. It’s incredible isn’t it how many people have cancer in their lives xx
Kathryn says
May 10, 2015 at 6:29 pmXX00XX that is all I can say, Kathryn.
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 6:32 pmPerfect…Thankyou x
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
May 10, 2015 at 7:02 pmOh Jenni, what a beautiful post! This was my fourth year taking part in the MDC and the tributes get me every time! I love how everyone comes together to make a difference and to take real steps to crack cancer. Yay for thriving!
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 7:16 pmThis was my third MDC Sammie but the first that I have been well, I just love it! How did David go? Maybe one year we will do it together x
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
May 10, 2015 at 9:21 pmWouldn’t that be grand?!
Maggie obst says
May 10, 2015 at 7:22 pmOh Jen what better person beside you to support you and this cause. I truly love you even though I have never meet you. But in my Heart I believe me knowing you has a HUGE reason. Love you and will always follow youxxxx
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 11:45 pmMaggie that’s beautiful, Thankyou xx
Lily - the stylish teacher says
May 10, 2015 at 7:34 pmJen, beautiful words. You brought a tear to my eye (actually, tears plural and eyes plural).
I’ve had my own struggle with the ‘c’ word this year and your words have really struck a chord with me. It’s something that I’m not ready to discuss yet, but I’m getting there – so thank you!
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 11:44 pmLily we all process differently and that’s ok. Baby steps, I hope you’re ok x
Lisa mckenzie says
May 10, 2015 at 8:14 pmBeautifully written and so true Jenni Xx
Jenni says
May 10, 2015 at 11:43 pmThanks Lisa x
Anita says
May 11, 2015 at 8:31 am“The ones who are full of life, proud, grateful and the ones who have leaky eyes because they know how freakin close they came to death…they know that life can change in an instant.” Thanks for such a beautifully written piece, from the heart, from the book of life. Grateful indeed. Take care Jen. Ax
Jenni says
May 11, 2015 at 8:37 amThat grateful feeling is powerful stuff! X
Sonia from Sonia Styling says
May 11, 2015 at 3:04 pmI hope you had the most wonderful Mother’s Day. And you look absolutely gorgeous in pink. x
Jenni says
May 11, 2015 at 3:19 pmThanks Sonia I sure did. When we returned home the sons had made brunch, I ate and napped for the rest of the day x
merilyn says
May 11, 2015 at 6:20 pmbeautifully written thankyou for sharing your story with us jen!
we can learn soo much from your journey!
you are an amazing woman jen!
lots of love m:)X
Jenni says
May 11, 2015 at 7:03 pmThanks M, I love writing x