I’m a Mum, I bloody love being a mum but it’s not a title I hang my hat on. I’ve always embraced motherhood and immersed myself in the role but I’m at a stage in life where things, they are a changin. My relationships with my boys is changing!
These days my children aren’t little, nuh uh. One is a teen and the other in his 20’s and at 6’4 he towers over me. They have deep voices and make very grown up decisions and at times they have more money in their bank account than me. True!
Those chubby cheeked, hot wheels totin boys went and grew up and now they are men. I know right! Men with real cars and jobs and facial hair even. Oh, and girlfriends!
Yeah, they are doing that ‘other’ grown up thing and are dating,grown up relationships! They are both punching above their weight in the girlfriend department but hey, love is love❤️
In fact today is pretty special, one son is celebrating a whole year with his partner and the other son is not far behind in the ‘milestones of love’ celebrations. To put this into perspective, I was engaged to the Huz after just 5 months! After 24 years together he still makes my toes curl and heart smile.
I’m not saying my lads need to get on bended knee and exchange bling, just that…well, things can change and I’m ready.
BUT WHAT IF?…
When the sons first announced they were dating I flew into protective mama mode asking ALL the questions, giving ALL the advice, worrying about ALL the things. All the things that could go wrong….
What if there was an unplanned pregnancy?
What if they only ever dated their ‘first love?
What if she broke his heart?
What if he went away and never came back?
What if he changed?
What if she doesn’t like us?
What if she wasn’t good enough?
So many freakin ‘what ifs’, and who gets to decide if your life decisions are ‘wrong’ anyway. Guess what? Not me!
I gotta tell you, as the months went on I stopped looking for what could go wrong and took more notice of what was going right.
My boys smiled more, they took more notice, looked after themselves better. They cared more about more things.
Right before my eyes my boys were experiencing ‘all’ the things, and that made me smile.
One year down the track and I’m settled, some might say I ‘settled the fuck down’. These boys of mine are doing fine, they’ve got their heads and hearts in the right place.
I’m doing fine.
I trust that while raising them the huz and I did some actual good and have given them the tools to navigate the start of their adult life. I trust that while I was wingin it in the parenting department I didn’t screw them up too much.
I love these girls that make my boys giddy.
I care for these girls that show my boys love.
I trust these girls that are sharing their hearts and lives with my boys.
They’re great girls!
It’s easy to be the Mum who judges your kids partners, finding wrong in everything and creating drama that hurts hearts and divides families. Easy but selfish.
Sure, they are definitely going to make mistakes and give you reason to worry but that’s life, we’ve had the opportunity to live it and make the mistakes and now it’s time to step back and allow them to live it. They need to, to grow and blossom.
When we are starting out as adults we don’t always get it right, we say dumb things, wear questionable fashion, do daggy drunk dancing, give dirty looks. We’re selfish and sometimes rude. We’ve all been there and our kids and their partners will go there too.
I don’t need to mother them in the same way I have always done all of these years, it’s time for me to be a spectator. I just need to be there when needed and just love the shit outa them.
At first I worried that my boys would settle down with their ‘childhood sweetheart’, surely they needed to have a few relationships? But then I read the beautiful words that local business woman Lucy Cornes of ‘She Shopped‘ writes about her childhood sweetheart and I find comfort. He’s her husband these days, father to her children and bestie, and that shows me that it’s all ok, because love is love❤️
Whether they marry their first, endure several heartbreaks or navigate life solo it’s ok. They will be ok.
I reckon we never stop worrying about our kids, but how we choose to handle the worry is what can make or break relationships with adult children. I made them, wiped their snotty noses, cheered for them, guided them and then….I released them into the world.
I may be their mum and at one stage might have been their absolute world but it’s time for me to pass the baton. It’s time for another woman to be the keeper of their story.
Their hearts are big enough for ALL the love. And so is mine.
A few years ago I pleaded with doctors to save my life so I could see my kids graduate high school. I cried bucket loads, thinking I would never get to see my boys giddy in love.
I silently mourned that I would never see grandchildren. Then the darnedest thing happened, I’m still here and doing well.
More than that, I’ve let go of expectation and control. I’ve even let go of having the picture perfect life. What is that even anyway?? Instead I’ve embraced living and loving in the moment.
It’s a game changer!
Maybe one day I’ll be the ‘mother in law’ or even a Grandma, right now though I’m Mum and enjoying being the spectator.
Love is love ❤️
Have you gone through this with your own kids? Relationships, heartache? Any advice?