The online world is a little family of sorts and last night one of the family grew her wings, albeit too early. I’m betting they were tattooed and sparkly and will hold her high, and man wherever she is she will soar.
Last night Julia found freedom, from pain and cancer and all the shitty stuff associated with terminal cancer. Julia was a mum, wife, and friend to many who was generous enough to blog about her stage 4 bowel cancer diagnosis at Five Fairies and a Fella. Julia was made of tough stuff and kept going longer than the doctors ever thought possible but eventually life ends. Fuck cancer!
She had ‘hope’, in bucketloads. Julia always saw the ‘bright side’, was grateful and had laughs to share. She had a cheeky grin with a twinkle in the eye and a badass platinum hairdo that she rocked like nobody’s business.
While Julia is part of the blogging family I didn’t know her well, not as well as some other bloggers and certainly not as well as her close friends. We occasionally emailed each other and sent messages to each other. We hi fived our respective cancer wins while giving a rigid middle finger to the shitty cancer crap. We both hugged in our fancy as fuck frocks when we won blogging awards earlier this year and man, I can still taste the chemo as I think about her attending those awards straight after a round of chemo. She looked tired (I know that tiredness), but there was life to be lived, so she frocked up and chose to live it.
She was ballsy but gooey on the inside, a heart so big and bursting with life and love. She was clever, witty, talented and brave. Julia opened her life up to help others. She educated, changed lives and I’m sure even saved lives. So brave.
Julia leaves behind her beloved Gaz and four young daughters…can you even imagine their loss? I can’t. From what I know of Julia she lived hard, and she was determined to get shit done, I’m sure while the pain is raw now her beautiful girls will all find their way back to joy. I mean, their Mumma just oozed it.
Christmas is meant to be joyous, right? Losing family and loved ones at any time of year is shitty and awful but somehow we wince more from the pain of loss at Christmas.
Well, today I also had news of a dear friend who lost her much longed for first child, just days after her arrival. How can we make sense of that? The unbearable pain and anguish of burying a bubba when life should be all Christmas carols, Santa photos and ‘baby’s first Xmas’ baubles. What the fuck is right with that?
When we are deep in the depths of grief, struggling to keep our heads above water and gasp for air we need to look for light.
Julia is gone, a mumma taken too soon but she has left a legacy to all she touched, in life and with her written words. There’s always hope, keep going, live in the moment, do the thing that scares you, laugh, get the tattoo…get ALL the tattoos and be present in this gift of life.
My mate who sits in a nursery with no child to cradle, well she’s brave too. A woman who is full of compassion, a wicked sense of humour, empathetic and courageous beyond belief. She had so much love to give and her baby girl was blessed to have her even for only the shortest of days.
The light? Both Julia and my friends baby girl changed lives, made hearts fuller and have left their beautiful mark on those who loved them.
For me, I hope that baby girl and Julia are riding high on a cloud somewhere. That image helps me make sense when there is none.
Rest baby girl and Thankyou Julia, such a timely reminder about what’s really important in life.
Much love to everyone feeling pain today but especially to those missing someone in their family.