Some days I wonder when I’m going to be ‘found out’. When will that moment be when someone looks me up and down and realises I’m not all that? Yes, that chestnut of self esteem and accepting a compliment.
People call me ‘brave’ and ‘inspiring’, I’m sorry but I cringe…not because I’m not grateful for the kind words but because I think there’s others out there who deserve those special titles more than me.
I cringe too because I’m still that little girl who lived through a childhood of berating, insults and criticism. Seriously, our childhoods can really fuck us up and we carry the burden of those emotions far too long.
Recently I realised that every time I ‘cringed’ I was giving power to negativity and transporting myself back to an unhappy childhood. Why would I do that to myself? Why would I punish myself? Why, am I still giving away my power?
Why can’t I just accept that I can do good…that I am good? I mean, I’m totally excellent at self acceptance in other areas, loving my body and style. If someone threw insults at either of these areas I would laugh because I don’t need their acceptance or approval. Hmmm, it’s something deep down that I’ve carried but have now realised I don’t need to carry it anymore…I’m letting that shit go. Hey, here’s a secret…none of us are perfect and we’ve all made mistakes. That’s ok, we are allowed to move on and not let them define us.
I’ve changed my thinking.
I am brave! I’m the toughest chick I know and I’m ok with that. I do inspire, I know this because people tell me daily in emails, calls and messages…I get them all so obviously I do. It’s not big noting or being narcissistic it’s about acceptance, about self acceptance. It’s about honouring others and myself. I realised I felt uncomfortable about the ‘brave’ title because I did what I had to when I went through treatment, I did the same as the others who didn’t make it. It doesn’t make me better or worse just brave. We are all brave when we need to be.
How about you, how do you go receiving compliments? Do you squirm and feel embarrassed? Please don’t, don’t downplay a compliment, instead think of the person giving the compliment. They compliment because it’s what they see and what they believe. Here’s a few tips on how to accept a compliment…
1. Just say ‘thankyou’, spread the love if you like and share the credit if your compliment is in regard to a team effort.
2. Enjoy the moment, stand proud.
3. Replying to a compliment with a compliment can be perceived as hostile or aggressive, you don’t want to ‘out do’ the giver so just say thanks.
4. Don’t ‘seek’ the compliment.
5. Accepting the compliment is actually a compliment to the giver. It’s saying that you value and trust their judgement.
6. Never hold back a compliment, that’s just mean. Give a compliment when it’s due and make it sincere…not syrupy or sarcastic but real.
Learning how to accept and give compliments will actually make you a more balanced and self assured, which is a great thing. How do you go accepting compliments? Do you give compliments?
Til next time,