Something happened last year that gave me an incredible sense of freedom. It wasn’t pleasant for everybody involved, but for me I exhaled and a dark smudge on my life was wiped clean.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone. Male, female, young or old. Incest, rape, molestation…they are all evil acts that we should never EVER become complacent about.
Incest is real and it’s revolting but instead of the perpetrators carrying the burden and guilt it ends up being the victims. I am one of those people. I don’t see myself as a ‘victim’ because I’m strong but I was once a young girl bullied and beaten by a brother who then decided to play out insidious acts against his sister and brother. Incest. I know right! All the yuck!!
I lived with that stain on my soul from a very young age until I was well into my forties, that’s a very long time to live in fear. It’s also a very long time to have had family take sides and ostracise you.
I was the little girl taken advantage of, who then grew to be a woman who carried a secret. When I eventually released that secret family took sides, it didn’t end well and I chose the family I created with my husband.
Last year my bully passed away. The man who had inflicted evil died. If he had been a stranger when he abused me my family would have rejoiced his death. They would be glad to be rid of a disgusting human who had inflicted pain and indecency on a young girl. Instead my family mourned him and paraded photographs of him on social media.
Can you imagine seeing photographs over and over of the perpetrator who had forever changed your soul?
It was awful, but I exhaled like I hadn’t done in decades.
He was gone.
I felt released.
My wish for all humans who’ve been at the mercy of sexual abuse is for them to feel that freedom.
Earlier this year I became aware of Rafiki Mwema, you may have even heard of them? A charity organisation healing young girls in Kenya. Girls who through poverty and community and family breakdown are sold or pimped (often by their own families) or snatched and used up like an old worthless rag.
Except they aren’t worthless, they just need rescuing and rehabilitation and love. There’s a few good hearted bloggers right here in Australia doing amazing work raising funds and awareness for this important charity.
I met Aussie team leader Sarah Rosborg a few months back when I attended Pro Blogger conference. I got busy selling tote bags for her and posting to Instagram…because social media can be so very, very good like that for raising awareness and connecting.
But it didn’t feel like enough, so I promised Sarah that when I was ready to write about my story that I would do it for ‘good’. I would release my story and in the process something ‘good and gentle and heartwarming’ would come if it. You know…kinda like all those gorgeous things that are snatched away from a child when a stranger or someone trusted inflicts sexual abuse upon them.
Let’s break the stigma, discard the shame and remember that these children deserve to be heard and healed.
‘Rafiki Mwema’ was first started by charity group Play Kenya, a therapeutic safe house, to help little girls in Kenya make sense of the horrors inflicted upon them, allow them access to needed medical treatment, support them through the court system, and where possible to work with their families for a safe return to the home.
For this to happen Rafiki Mwema need to continually train and employ very special staff. Hand picked staff who were enthusiastic, passionate and caring. Staff who could work with the girls and help heal their minds and hearts through counselling, attachment play and emotional first aid.
Everyone involved in the fund-raising for ‘Rafiki Mwema’ does so on a 100% volunteer basis, ensuring the funds go directly to where they are needed the most. So to raise money the good peeps at Rafiki Mwema fundraise.
One of the ways they do this is to sell cool product or you can even sponsor the girls…for as little as $5 per month!
My Mister and I sponsor the girls, sure we give away more dollars these days since my own cancer diagnosis and its tough deciding who to donate to but this was a no brainer for us. $10 a month (what we give) is the cost of two coffees…stuff all! Oh and if you like you can make a donation and receive a tax receipt ?
If you like to shop with a social conscience then check out…
Furaha (Happiness) Soy Candles $29.95
Aluminium drink bottles $15 (perfect to carry with you)
Flamingo dress $25 (lovingly handmade and cute!)
Totes $5 (perfect for Christmas!) HERE & HERE
ALL the profits go back to ‘Rafiki Mwema’!
I’ll leave it up to you whether you purchase or sponsor, but I’d love you to read about the good work of Rafiki Mwema, that would be a huge show of respect and care. We all deserve that right?
Til next time,
Jen x
If you or someone you know are coping with the effects of abuse and require help LIFELINE /ASCA / CHILDWISE
Tracy says
November 17, 2015 at 6:52 amWow Jen. Just wow. I can’t imagine how hard sharing your story with the world is – you are amazing! First for sharing your story and second for doing it for a cause. I’m off to read about Rafiki Mwema. And as someone with a difficult family history, good on you for choosing to leave behind and move on with your wonderful family.
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 7:00 amThanks Tracy. I learned through writing about cancer and body image that through sharing we can help others. Words and our stories can give strength, power and information. Rafiki Mwema is such a wonderful charity and the girls have been through atrocities, was a no brainer for me that this was the right time. ? X
Tracy says
November 17, 2015 at 7:35 amWell done- hope this opens up the conversation for others who have lived through sexual abuse and incest.
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 1:41 pmIt already has x
Fay says
November 17, 2015 at 8:10 amI appluad you for speaking out about your abuse. My parents went to their graves not knowing about my brother traumatising me. I was too scared to speak up.
However, I told my two sisters only a few years ago after they questioned me why I never contacted him in QLD. They cried for me and asked why I didn’t come to them. I was confused and didnt understand what it was all about back then.
I haven’t let myself be a victim either but I won’t cry or attend his funeral when he passes as I feel nothing for him.
Your words are poignant.. It does stain your soul. I for one will be seeking to become a sponsor x
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 8:19 amOh Fay, goosebumps and heartswell ? I hope you have had your burden lightened since confiding in your sisters. Reading your words about becoming a sponsor…tears! That would be amazing! Thankyou X
JanIne mercer says
November 17, 2015 at 9:07 amJenni you never cease to amaze me!! The strength, we as followers get from you is totally immeasurable. You have endured the hard ships and yet you don’t live within the poor me syndrome. This is your true courage shining through to all of us and you do it with that beautiful smile on your face.
Life is so full of challenges, some if us will experience way too many along the way but you are the perfect example of taking that shit by the horns, working through it and somehow eventually processing it and turning into the brighter option with a positive spin. Your my idol. You never seem to complain (although I don’t live with you lol) but you rejoice every little pleasure and milestone. Keep on inspiring my girl!! You deserve so much happiness and love around you. Thanks for another great reminder about other people’s lives. Xxx
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 9:35 amThanks Janine, I can totally be a whinger at home ? But the older I get the more I let it go.
shannon @my2morrows says
November 17, 2015 at 9:23 amYour words and story will non doubt help many Jen. Thank you for sharing.
Your Strength Is Pretty Incredible!
I love my rwfiki tote and have recently signed up to give monthly too! Amazing organisation. Xx
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 9:33 amThankyou and I’m so pleased you sponsor too, that will change lives and hearts X
Hazel says
November 17, 2015 at 9:37 amJenni you could have been telling my own story,how brave you are to share your deepest secrets.I have known for many years that my weight is my armour so I don’t attract unwanted male attention,I lost 40 kts some years ago and a couple of men made a comment and I nearly hyperventilated, and of course the weight came back on.
I am so fortunate to have my mister in my life,he understands me completely. I am on a restricted budget but I will support this charity,all strength to you Jenni.
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 1:44 pmThe sad fact is this is the story of so many young girls (and boys). The ugliest and often most painful thing another human can do that changes a young child forever. Thankyou Hazel for supporting the girls at Rafiki Mwema. Big love to you x
Maggie obst says
November 17, 2015 at 12:15 pmWell Jenn, what an inspirational human being you are. You share so much and in doing this it undoubtedly must help so many others. We all have stories about our lives,some bad,some good. Life is far to short to carry hurt and shame. I will be reading more about the Kenyan plight. I have family over in Kenya jworking with the village people, doing building schools, homes but improving their life that is truly amazing. My cousins Wife and family do so much to raise funds,I see photos of young folk graduation from school, I see beautifully gardens filled with healthy veggies. The gift of giving to others is a very important fact of life. You are a beautiful Angel in my eyes. Thanks for sharing.?
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 1:45 pmI love that your family are helping the communities in Kenya ? Thankyou x
Bec says
November 17, 2015 at 1:32 pmOh Jenni! Thank you for your words today. I constantly battle with family crap that happened in my childhood. Some days/weeks/months are better than others. It really does stain your soul. I dream of a time in my future when I can be free of the awful skeletons in my closet and can live my life fully and freely. But to do that I need to put on my brave girl pants and I just haven’t been ready yet. Much love and hugs to you XO
PS: Rafiki Mwema rocks!
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 1:46 pmI hope you find those pants soon and that they’re super dooper sparkly Bec xxx
Zoe | A Quirky Bird says
November 17, 2015 at 3:00 pmOh Jenni, to you as a little girl who had to grow up too soon hugs and to you the beautiful brave woman you are I give you hugs. Your words will help others and they’re so powerful. Thank you for sharing your story and sharing such a wonderful charity. xx
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 4:10 pmThankyou Zoe, my inbox has been overflowing all day which tells me that sharing was the right thing to do. My wish is that Rafiki Mwema get the attention they deserve and little girls are healed and empowered X
kim says
November 17, 2015 at 3:39 pmYou have so many layers and it is wonderful to see the person that you are now and the care that you have for others.. I still carry a secret to this day let’s just say that he married my mother and he is dead and I don’t care…thankfully it was no more than inappropriate groping that should never never had happened. ..The emotional scars take the longest to heal.
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 4:09 pmI’m like onion Kim…soooo many layers! I could write a book about my childhood! If only these perpetrators understood how their actions would have a lifelong impact. Xx
Ann says
November 17, 2015 at 3:49 pmoh Jenn, how sad for your innocence to be taken away from you and then not to be believed by the ones who are meant to love you the most, your parents.
I hope you opening up about your childhood ‘secret’ will help others, to either open up themselves or at least get help..
My heart goes out to anyone who has had to endure this sort of sadness xx
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 4:07 pmThankyou Ann, my childhood hasn’t been a ‘secret’ for decades. It’s so important that we allow victims of abuse (all abuse) to have a voice without them feeling judged and vilified. Today many women have shared their story with me and the pain is deep. If by sharing I allow others to feel less alone and give them the courage to speak up or the will to break the shameful hold over them then it’s all worth it xx
Anne-Marie says
November 17, 2015 at 3:55 pmHi Jenni.
I founded Play Kenya and Rafiki Mwema and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story. It takes courage and self acceptance to write your words but the impact to others is lifelong. Sometimes our voice feels like a lone voice but it vibrates into the souls of others.
We work with our girls to know they are bright and shining little girls and the stain of shame belongs to their perpetrator and not to them. They share their stories with their carers, therapists and the other girls. With your permission I would love to share your story and explain to them what a blog is! They will be blown away by a lady in Australia writing about similar stories to their own.
Thank you for your courage and wisdom and for supporting our little angels
x
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 4:04 pm‘Vibrates into the souls of others’…powerful words Anne-Marie and exactly why I write. Please do share with your girls, I hope it makes them feel less alone and gives them strength to know they can’t be defined by the cruel acts of others.
Thankyou for all that you do xx
Annette says
November 17, 2015 at 5:16 pmJenni, once again, you have come to a place of turning something sent to destroy you into a platform of power to share from.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Family is such a strange thing, all the pressure over the public facade, along with our hopes and expectations of family being out safe place, often they are nothing like the reality.
I’m going to look at sponsorship.
????
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 6:06 pmFamily are weird Annette! I’m so grateful that you’re going to look into sponsorship…Thankyou X
Darlene CUrry says
November 17, 2015 at 5:23 pmGood heavens Jenni you are so strong, and are such a beautiful soul. xx
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 6:07 pmThanks Darlene I’ve had a few years to get my shit sorted ??
Kathryn says
November 17, 2015 at 5:56 pmThe day I found out that the bastard who molested me had died I cheered. I had never told me parents. I found out later that he had done the same to my cousins. He was my beautiful Aunties second husband. She had no children, and I think he thought he had found a goldmine of children to molest because we all were so close to her. If she had suspected anything, she would have killed him. I couldn’t tell her. She would have been heartbroken, and felt like it was her fault. And it wasn’t. She was like another mother to me, and we all loved her. He was the perpetrator. Just him. I also found out his daughter in law wouldn’t have him in their house. Go figure. The bastard. After he died, his ashes were stolen by a disgruntled employee who had been sacked. This person threw the ashes out into the bay. If I could meet him I would give him a massive hug and a hundred dollars. This man was a true piece of shit. I am okay saying I raised my kids to hate him. And not go near him. I hope he is burning in hell. Kathryn x
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 6:09 pmDreadful Kathryn and you did the right thing keeping your own children away from him. It’s often the case that a molester will target more than one member of a family. I’m so sorry and hope that you’ve had some healing xxx
KATE says
November 17, 2015 at 6:18 pmThank you for sharing your story; its sad but so brave of you to tell it. I hope that you are well now, and your horror of the past has subsided. Please tell me more about this charity- volunteer work for the Kenyan girls.
Kate
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 6:27 pmI live a full and loving life these days thanks Kate and I’m grateful for it all. Please follow the links to Rafiki Mwema in the blog post for more info X
Katy says
November 17, 2015 at 6:35 pmI’m so sorry you feel a stain on your soul because it should quite clearly be on his.
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 6:40 pmYou’re so right Katy. Thankfully these days that stain has been away x
merilyn says
November 17, 2015 at 7:17 pmI just have admiration for you and your strength jen!
again you turn adversity into helping others!
I have never had to deal with such vexations to the spirit.
much love m:)X
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 10:44 pmThankyou M xxx
Marion says
November 17, 2015 at 8:22 pmHi Jen love following you on your page fantastic .I can relate to so many issues especially with yours as a child I to suffered for years and had to work through it I am bit older than you but kept it to myself when it did come out my mother was in denial and my father died not even knowing it is very difficult to go through and we shouldn’t have had to .Thanks Jenny Love what you do .♥️♥️
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 9:45 pmThankyou Marion, I can empathise with you, I haven’t spoken with my mother for 20 years. She lost the right to be a mother a very long time ago. Thanks for following and reading ??
Marion says
November 18, 2015 at 1:32 pmThank you Jenni love everything you do ❌❌??♥️?
Babs - Patchwork Cactus says
November 17, 2015 at 8:56 pmYou are freakin amazing. The honestly that you blog with is inspiring and your ability to overcome bullshit is superhuman. Love you to bits!
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 9:41 pmThankyou my gorgeous friend, sending some love right back to you x
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
November 17, 2015 at 9:22 pmI have no words that could possibly say how sorry I am for what you have lived through. Thank you for sharing with us, for trusting us an for sharing your story in way that will help such an incredible cause. Much much love to you xx
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 9:43 pmThankyou Sonia, you know what?…bad things happen to good people every day. I’ve had my fair share but without it I wouldn’t be who I am, thankfully I’ve also had my fair share of super amazing times ? If my sharing some of my history helps others then it’s worth it xx
Paula says
November 17, 2015 at 9:57 pmI’ll be signing up for sure what a great thing for those poor girls. Well done Hun xx
Jenni says
November 17, 2015 at 10:02 pmSo simple for us to do Paula but life altering for these young girls. Thankyou xxx
Von says
November 18, 2015 at 12:33 amI applaud you Jenni, for finding the courage to share your childhood experiences with the hope that it may help another. Reading your story was almost like reading about me which makes me sad. I have felt for a long time now, that I need to open myself up to life, to get my story out there so that others don’t feel so alone. Incest needs to stop being ‘the dirty little secret’, it needs to be exposed and so too do the perpetrators. I am doing that step by step, but it is time consuming and it’s often easy for me to disassociate to cope with the danger I feel at times of being overwhelmed.
My childhood consisted of 5 sexual abusers and 2 of them were family members. My father started grooming me at the tender age of 2 yrs old and continued on until I was approx 8 yrs old, when my brother took over. I was also sexually abused by a primary school cleaner, a friend of my brothers (most of the time they were together when they molested me) and finally a church congregation member.
Fortunately Jenni, I share a similar story to you in regards to my brother, he died last year and even though I felt compelled to help my mother organise his funeral, it actually gave me a sense of satisfaction that he would never be able to walk on the Earth again.
I am now preparing to make a statement with the police and have my father held accountable for all that he did to me…and my brother.
Reading stories like your own Jenni have helped me to find courage, to focus on the strength within and be true to myself. You help make 2 yr old Von talk out loud. You encourage me to not be afraid.
Thank you for sharing your story Jenni…good luck in moving forward ?
Jenni says
November 21, 2015 at 4:41 pmWow Von! What incredible strength you show. Abuse should never ever be ‘a dirty secret’. It’s shicking and Luce changing and needs to stop. I applaud you for making a stand and finding the courage to bring charges against those who harmed you. Love and light to you hun x
Jo @ You had us at hello says
November 23, 2015 at 1:20 amI’m so sorry to hear this awful thing happened to you my gorgeous friend. You are a vision of strength and happiness for life that inspires so many. I applause you for choosing you and the beautiful family you created. What a wonderful organisation you are working with, You never stop amazing me Jen xx
Deborah says
December 2, 2015 at 2:23 pmSo very very hard. A friend of mine once talked about another friend of hers going through this and spoke as if it was consensual, despite the large age gap. If it’d happened with anyone other than her brother my friend would have been outraged. My friend put it down to experimentation. We’ve not talked about it since.
Jenni says
December 2, 2015 at 11:10 pmExperimentation is never an excuse for abuse…end of story. I just can’t understand why families protect the abuser, there should be outrage.