Last week I was invited to White Friars primary school as a guest speaker at their ‘Australia’s Biggest Morning Tea’ gathering. One of my readers Kirrilly was organising the morning tea and messaged me asking if I’d like to speak, we met for a cuppa and of course I said ‘yes’. I was there to give families tips on helping loved ones through cancer, and of course have a cuppa and some delicious home made treats.
Talking about cancer isn’t always easy, for some it’s paralysing. Where do you start? I mean, how long is a piece of string?
I decided to keep it relevant to those who were attending, parents of primary school aged children. I made 5 dot point notes on my phone, popped on a frock and headed off to do my thing.
Public speaking can be disarming and knowing what to wear is important because when you feel comfortable and confident then you can just focus on the job at hand and not feel distracted by an ill fitting or inappropriate outfit.
I chose a soft colour palette in winter white, soft pinks with a dash of green and some black to ground it all and pull the whole outfit together.
The colours were chosen carefully, I didn’t want to look aggressive or too assertive, instead I wanted people to listen but also feel nurtured.
The palette I chose was calming, nurturing, thoughtful, intimate and the touch of gold added a sprinkling of optimism and sophistication.
Pale pink is one of my all time favourite colours, if you’ve ever wondered what to put it next to here’s some ides for you…
I felt totally comfortable in my own skin and I knew my outfit would work as it was in some of my best colours. This allowed me to get up and confidently chat to the group who had gathered.
The day was about raising money, community, support and information…oh and some seriously great home baked goodies.
So what did I talk about? Well I offered insight into how a diagnosis affects a family with primary school aged children. I also offered a few tips, here’s some of them…
1. Start a school mums meal roster for the family with one designated person liaising with the family affected by cancer.
2. Offer to help with sporting and after school commitments. Drop offs, pick ups, getting uniforms or footy boots for a new sporting season…even small things like helping out with the oranges if it’s that families turn.
3. Offer to help shop for and wrap gifts for special celebrations like birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day and Father’s Day.
4. Offer to help write out Christmas cards, party invites or even put up the Christmas tree.
5. Offer to help out with homework, school projects, sports day and excursions.
6. Keep the school informed so they can nurture the children affected.
7. Offer to have children for play dates or sleepovers especially a couple of days after an infusion (when things get tough). Inclusion is so important and keeping things as ‘normal’ as possible when life at home is topsy turvy is vital.
8. Pitch in some dollars with other mums for a house cleaner or gardener.
9. Don’t pretend that cancer isn’t happening but do be careful of little ears listening when discussing cancer.
10. Never ignore someone going through cancer…ever…even years after a diagnosis. Step up and ask how they are doing or where they are at with their treatment.
Talking about cancer is easy for me, sure sometimes I tear up and have a little cry but I lived it (still live it), so it comes naturally to me. If I can offer support and insight then I’m a happy camper.
I felt so fortunate to be invited to speak, the school was friendly and warm and you could really feel their community spirit. I’m pretty sure my words resonated and I hope that everyone there is now more informed to be able to help those in need.
No one wants cancer, but with one in two Aussies receiving a cancer diagnosis by the age of eighty-five then chances are you will know someone in your community that could do with some caring community spirit.
Huge thanks to Kirrilly for inviting me along. Do you know a family dealing with cancer? Have you got any questions for me?
Til next time,
Jen x
Find out more about Cancer Council ‘Biggest Morning Tea’ HERE.
Nicely done Jenni..I am a mess if I have to speak in public, even if I know the people quite well. I do love the colour of that lipstick you are wearing here..can I ask what brand it is x
Thanks Ann, It’s ‘MAC Ruby Woo’ with a slick of ‘MAC Crème Sheen peach Blossom’ over the top 🙂
Great tips Jenni and I love you in that outfit Xx
Thanks so much Lisa x
Hi Jenni. I’ve been to a few cancer fund-raising events/parties/meals with guest speakers and that is the most practical and relatable speech I have ever seen. I think this kind of advice should be circulated more widely, because I don’t think people know the reality of chronic and/or terminal illness if they haven’t been touched by it. Also, having a practical list of things to offer would make it so much easier if you don’t know a person very well, you know, like if it’s the parent of one of your children’s classmates or something but you don’t actually know the parent very well. Thanks Jenni. Groovy threads BTW.
Thankyou Gael…I have a headful of tips! These ones were specifically for school communities, where you hear of someone in your school community who has cancer (or any other traumatic experience) and you want to reach out and help. I’m so pleased you liked them x
Top tips and as usual you totally looked the part! xx
Thanks Sammie x
Our family is dealing with cancer right now. My husband was diagnosed at the end of April. His treatment involves long stints in hospital and even when he’s home he has to go in every day so they can monitor his blood levels. Your list is perfect Jen! We have three school aged kids and I would love if someone did just one of those things for us. I’m not someone who asks for help so I can’t see that changing.
Bec, I’m so sorry and know exactly how your life will have changed. Please do ask for help, I bet you people want to help but may not know how to. Send out a text, email or facebook post with an update and let them know you are open to visitors, meals and help. Speak to the principal at your children’s school too so at the very least they are aware that your children might need more support…hopefully you can find a way to ask for help because it’s a huge burden to carry. Healing to your hubby I hope his treatment is going well xxx
Love that outfit top to toe! Watercolour print dresses are so elegant.
My favourite kinda print…that and some tartan
You put so much thought into everything you do, even your clothes for this. Wonderful tips, thoughtful and practical. You look so beautiful Jen, that palette suits you perfectly. I actually don’t mind public speaking, which is weird because I am shy and pretty introverted by nature. x
Thanks Kathryn I love this palette
looking beautiful jen! lovely colours on you!
great tips too! … you are so inspiring and your insight would be so helpful!
love m:)X
Thanks Merilyn it was lovely to meet everyone there x
You looked gorgeous and what a wonderful thing for you to do. Such practical suggestions for people too. I found so many people would say “if you need anything just ask”, but you don’t then feel that you actually can ask. It is so important for people to just do. I love the idea of having one point of contact. As lovely as it is that so many people care and want to know how you are it can be very tiring keeping everyone up to date.
Yes!! I would never call anyone because it meant I had to twist their arm…just do! Xxx
Thank you Jen. I would not have thought of doing some of these things ….. next time I will! I would also like to say that your attitude to life and your experiences are an inspiration to me (as so far my life has been really easy).
BTW, love your dress/top – who by?
Thanks Michele, the dress is from Target
Thank you!!!!
You looked wonderful, as you always do, Ms Jen!
Great tips, well done x
FANTASTIC tips! And you looked gorgeous. It never sat well with me asking for help but in our situation I had to get over it. People jump at the chance to help because they don’t know what to do but so want to do something but also don’t want to intrude or force themselves on your family. Valuable tips. Good on you. Xx
Thanks Sandra, quite true that people just don’t know what to do x
Love love love your outfit!!! I’m always hesitant to wear 2 different prints together but you make it look so easy, I’m going to try it ☺. Your tips are brilliant. I’m just over halfway through treatment for breast cancer and all of your tips are truly the things someone with cancer needs help with. I am so lucky to have some amazing friends that made meals, helped with school pick ups etc but the roster for meals is a fab idea so you don’t get inundated with 5 of the same meals on the same day ☺.
Thanks Nic, wishing you and all who care for you strength throughout the rest of your treatment and beyond xx
Hi Jenni, I have a girl in my class who will be in Yr 7 this year. Her Dad has cancer everywhere and has chosen to not go down the chemo road. Officially our school was notified after the mother broke down at the high school( older daughter’s school), and the school then notified us as we are right next door. I didn’t know what to do as the student in my class has never let on about her Dad, she has also not talked to her school friends. The best I could come up with was grabbing her last thing on a Friday before a school holidays and I told her that I knew about dad, and I told her that I was available if she ever needed to have a talk. The student said nothing and just stood there, so I told her to have a good holidays and let her go home. Maybe school is an escape for her where she can be ‘a normal kid’ ?
The school pastoral care worker wanted to send a basket of things to the family, but I said not yet as the student hasn’t spoken about dad’s health. Have I been doing the right things? I don’t want to push….but I also want the student to have support.
Angela I would contact the mother, sometimes the children are told very little. I know parents who don’t even mention the word cancer to the children and put in a brave face not letting in they are terminal. Contact mum and tell her you would like to help, perhaps a working bee, lawns etc would be useful seeing as dad is ill. X