I’m sitting in a cardiac wing in emergency. Chest pains and shortness of breath had me in a spin, so to be safe we visited hospital and within 3 minutes I was hooked up and away we went with a barrage of tests.
A couple of years ago I had a pulmonary embolism which is a blood clot on the lung…deadly if untreated. My symptoms tonight are exactly the same as two years ago so I’m quietly freaking out. In fact I’m totally freaking out because my blood pressure was pushing 200 over something.
Bloods are taken and then the nurses pop a drip in…seeing the plastic tube coiled on my arm made me cry, it felt too much like chemo and surgeries and pain and death and fear and why won’t my mind stop racing? The constant beeping and buzzing of the monitors is a pounding in my head and raises my anxiety levels.
Suddenly the lady opposite me calls out in pain and within seconds six or seven nurses and doctors surround her. She’s yelling about the pain, the ‘brick’ on her chest and asks the female doctor if she’s dying. Surprisingly the doctor doesn’t say no instead she tells the woman she will do everything to get her through but who should she call? Should she call her brother? The woman bellows ‘NO, he’s autistic, I have to get home to care for him.’
Then a male doctor calmly says ‘we’re losing her’ and nurses run for more drugs to pump into her. It’s not like the movies…its crude and real and doesn’t feel as frantic as it should be. Curtains are drawn, yelling ensues as the woman realizes she’s in trouble…the pain!…she feels like a rubber band is around her chest. More drugs, then she’s wheeled off to a resuss room.
I don’t know if she made it, wether her brother still has a carer, wether the daughter who hates her will shed a tear. The whole episode played out before our eyes and left me in tears, anxious and scared. Suddenly life didn’t feel so carefree and ‘sunshine n lollipops’, instead it was X-rays, a ct scan, buzzers, Obs, blood tests and so much stuff I want to forget.
Cancer…the gift that freakin keeps on giving. Yeah, well that’ll do…that’ll do! I’m waiting for results and hungry for a hamburger. It’s midnight and my mister hasn’t even been home from work yet so if I get out of here tonight we are hunting down a big carb filled feast.
Til next time,
Jen x
Ps…you guys rock! So many warm and loving messages, I felt the love x
Oh Jen I am so sorry that you are going through someone else’s drama as well as your own. Get off your blog and just take care of you and yours. Hope tomorrow’s ( today) is better for you xx
Thanks, it’s times like these I’m grateful for my blog.lights are bright, waiting is long and writing is healing x
Oh bloody hell what a night you have had. Im sending all my love to you. Heres hoping you make a speedy recovery and youll be up and about in no time.
Much Love xx
Never dull in hospital jane, I miss my bed already
oh darling girl..loving thoughts are with you and your Mister…It is 12.30am as I write this, so I hope you are soon out and going to get a carb filled snack.
P,S,,I do hope the lady across from you made it..sounds like she is still needed on this earth..xx
Gosh Ann I hope she made it too.
Oh Jenni – your positivity in the face of the scary stuff is to be commended. I know how you and your Mister & boys must really be feeling. Prayers & peaceful minds & skilled doctors are my wish for you tonight. x
Thanks Mandy, fingers crossed x
” Prayers & peaceful minds & skilled doctors are my wish for you tonight. x” ….. strong and beautiful words with lots of wisdom Mandy.
Thanks for sharing with us Jen …. touching complete strangers with your words and experience is a gift … I wish you a speedy journey back to health.
Thanks Jennifer – they are the words of experience shared.
Thanks Jennifer
Stealing your line Jen! Light & Love xx
Thanks gorgeous x
That’s just bloody shit! I’d bring you a huge carb feast for you & Mister if I could, but it would be cold by the time you got it….and maybe missing a few bites! I hope that poor lady made and you are home in your own bed quick sticks!
I’d take a half eaten burger
Hi Jen its 12.45am I ‘ve just arrived home and you’ve not long posted . Thanks for letting us know how you are. I’m relieved you’re in the best place.
Must be a very anxious experience for you. Sending you healing thoughts.
Michele x
Thanks gorgeous, we are both exhausted x
Geez Louise so sorry to hear this Jenni. How scary for you. This is too much for one day, surely. Well it’s the next day now so it can return to normal…thanks!
On the flip side,(always a flip side), you’re in the best place & in the hands of experts who care about you. They’ll look after this & fix what ain’t right. Big hugs & hamburgers to you Jenni. xxxx
Thanks lovely, hoping I’m in my own bed soon x
Sending you big hugs. Hope your bp settles down and you SMASH that burger you’re dreaming of. Next post on the big pig out ok?!! Get well soon lovely xx
Ha ha, I like your thinking Jo I will smash a burger and night add cake too! ALL the carbs!
My goodness. That’s a night out of a horror movie. Turn around & ask your Mister to pinch you so you can wake up, go to Maccas, eat a big burger (in your pj’s) & then go home to your own bed. That’s how this movie is going to end. You’ve given me strength many times, so I’m going to give some back – it’s good to cry; & keep chanting your mantra, “I will get through this”. Yoga breathing & Big Mac dreaming. We’re all here for you. Much love xo
Yoga breathing was put into action many times Janine, thank goodness I had my earbuds too x
Just after 1am here in Perth. Hoping you are on your way home and all is well. Have been thinking about you.
Thanks for your lovely messages, home now and wouldn’t you know it I can’t sleep #morningperson
Jeez I hope that woman made it through, no wonder she was having a heart attack, family issues and all. Poor lady. I hope you are better this morning too Jen, hospitals are scary places, been there too many times with my elderly father in the last year. xx
Thanks Kathryn, I hope she made it home too x
Oh Jenni my heart is breaking for you I have been in the same situation when my Dad had a heart attack the man in the next bed came back from a defribrilater surgery and he went into cardiac arrest in the room ,they worked on him for what seemed like hours and he didn’t make it the poor man passed away in visiting hours and I will never ever forget it ,no it wasn’t like a movie it was scary and real and we held our breath for so long willing him on.
Back to you though I hope you don’t have an PE I really am wishing all the very very best for you I hope to hear your back home soon,big healing hugs to you sweetie Xx
Thanks Lisa, I’ve spent a lot of time in hospitals but Emergency departments are the most draining x
Hi Jen,
Wow you have been through the wringer. I hope you are ok. That post had my heart racing. My dad had surgery yesterday too. Scary stuff. And the poor lady opposite you I can only imagine how she was feeling I work with people who have Autism. His life will be turned upside down if he loses his sister. Take care. Look forward to your next update.
Thanks Megan, hope your dad is healing and doing well x
oh Jenni the cardiac section of emergency is a scary place to be! My experience was with an episode of SVT. My heart was beating at just under 200 beats a minute and I was doing nothing! I wish you a speedy recovery! Big hugs and love to you, yours, those who are also being cared for and the Angels without wings who are caring for you! Xxoo
Thanks Cindy, that is scary! I was shocked with my blood pressure results!
What a traumatic experience. I’ve been thinking of you and wish you nothing but a speedy recovery (and a very large hamburger) xox
Thankyou gorgeous, burger is in the belly x
what an awful evening, sincerely hope you’re ok Jenni x
Thanks Jodie, emergency departments are awful…great nurses though. Home, burger eaten and candle burning x
It’s morning now and I am sending positive, healing, loving energy that you are home, tucked up in your own bed and that all is ok with you.
Much love my friend. A very scary ordeal.
xxx
Thanks Kirrily, a draining night but relieved with good results. X
Sending the highest Light & Love to you, your family & doctors. Just read your message, now I will be waiting to read some good news. Peace, Love & Healing.
Home now, hubby sleeping but me being a morning person can’t sleep. Thankfully no clot
Oh Jenni, , discovered you a few months ago via instagram , your blog and like others absolutely love you!!! (first comment) .. Big hug to you , It’s going to be fine . I myself was in emergency few weeks back thinking heart (bloody asthma , mixed in with menopause , lovely combo ) .. All the best to you and sending lots of love XXXXX
Thanks Kate, scary times hey…hope you are better x
I hope that by now you are home, fed & in your own bed. Emergency depts are good for access to medical experts but not for resting peacefully. All the best Jen!
Thanks Ingrid, great doctors and nurses but I wish the lights had a dimmer
I hope today is a much better day, filled with carbs. I am keeping you in my thoughts. Rest up today, lots of sleep x
Thanks Sarah xx
thinking of you jen!
take it easy hun!
sending you calm thoughts and much love m:)X
Thanks Merilyn, relieved to be home and resting…and no clot x
Far out brussel sprout! What a night you had, and that poor lady too. I hope she made it. Sending love and good vibes your way, now step away from the computer and get some rest, lady! PS Wish I lived nearer to assist with the carb loading. Feeding is my speciality!
I’m such a morning person I can’t sleep, but the couch is comfy and the dog is curled up next to me. Wish you lived closer too. Thanks sam x
Well…you certainly never do things by halves beautiful Jen. Rest up. Try and power nap and ignore annoying ‘you have new text’ messages from people like me. I really should ‘read on’ instead of reacting. You know how much we love and adore you. Look after you now. Axxxx
Thanks for the message Anita x
Oh Jeni what you described is why I don’t want to go back to nursing in ICU. Things will get followed up with the autistic brother, there are systems in place. If looks slow looking on the outside, the confusion, the what to do first. When you’re there everything moves so quickly.
Dwell not on the lost souls, all we can say is she won’t be in pain anymore. Hospital is such a different environment and emotions are always so raw.
Sending you healing hugs and cuddles and positive test vibes. Zoe xx
Thanks Zoe x
All I’ve got is “All that just sucks” and “I sure hope you are feeling better now.’ Yup, bloody cancer and chemo, the combined ultimate gift that just keeps on giving. Healing thoughts for you. Xx
Thankyou Sandra it’s great to be at home with my dog and family x
Just reading those words “we’re losing her” brought back Memories to my last Heart Attack I was peacefully floating above myself don’t know whether it was the Drugs or what and then I heard those words “we’re losing her” and me being my typical pig headed self thought no your Bloody not and then I was back and awake. Thank goodness I’m so stubborn so I dearly hope that Woman was too.