I’m sitting in a cardiac wing in emergency. Chest pains and shortness of breath had me in a spin, so to be safe we visited hospital and within 3 minutes I was hooked up and away we went with a barrage of tests.
A couple of years ago I had a pulmonary embolism which is a blood clot on the lung…deadly if untreated. My symptoms tonight are exactly the same as two years ago so I’m quietly freaking out. In fact I’m totally freaking out because my blood pressure was pushing 200 over something.
Bloods are taken and then the nurses pop a drip in…seeing the plastic tube coiled on my arm made me cry, it felt too much like chemo and surgeries and pain and death and fear and why won’t my mind stop racing? The constant beeping and buzzing of the monitors is a pounding in my head and raises my anxiety levels.
Suddenly the lady opposite me calls out in pain and within seconds six or seven nurses and doctors surround her. She’s yelling about the pain, the ‘brick’ on her chest and asks the female doctor if she’s dying. Surprisingly the doctor doesn’t say no instead she tells the woman she will do everything to get her through but who should she call? Should she call her brother? The woman bellows ‘NO, he’s autistic, I have to get home to care for him.’
Then a male doctor calmly says ‘we’re losing her’ and nurses run for more drugs to pump into her. It’s not like the movies…its crude and real and doesn’t feel as frantic as it should be. Curtains are drawn, yelling ensues as the woman realizes she’s in trouble…the pain!…she feels like a rubber band is around her chest. More drugs, then she’s wheeled off to a resuss room.
I don’t know if she made it, wether her brother still has a carer, wether the daughter who hates her will shed a tear. The whole episode played out before our eyes and left me in tears, anxious and scared. Suddenly life didn’t feel so carefree and ‘sunshine n lollipops’, instead it was X-rays, a ct scan, buzzers, Obs, blood tests and so much stuff I want to forget.
Cancer…the gift that freakin keeps on giving. Yeah, well that’ll do…that’ll do! I’m waiting for results and hungry for a hamburger. It’s midnight and my mister hasn’t even been home from work yet so if I get out of here tonight we are hunting down a big carb filled feast.
Til next time,
Ps…you guys rock! So many warm and loving messages, I felt the love x