Ok so I’ve written about what ‘not’ to say to someone with cancer but let’s flip it. How about what ‘to‘ say to someone with cancer? Here’s a few thing to say that will help and also stop you putting your foot in it. It’s not everything but it’s a start.
+ Start off by being who you were before their diagnosis, don’t back off or tiptoe around them, this is when they need you more than ever and will need to lean in more than ever.
+ Look them in the eye when talking about their cancer.
+ Say the word ‘cancer’…not the ‘c’ word.
+ If tears leak out of your eyes, that’s ok. It’s emotion.
+ Tell them they’re beautiful.
+ Ask if it’s ok to bring small children to visit, noise and germs might be a problem but they might also be having a good day and the distraction and joy of little ones could be needed.
+ Tell them you will be there for them.
+ Ask if you can take them to treatment or pop into treatment for a visit.
+ Ask if they want to talk about their cancer or treatment? They might need to empty their head or maybe they just need to forget for a moment.
+ Ask if you can help with the kids.
+ Ask if you can clean their house or mow the lawn…or wash the car.
+ Offer to take them out for a cuppa/lunch/movie.
+ Ask if they need help with paperwork.
+ It’s ok, you can say it…fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!
+ Ask where they are at in their treatment
+ Ask how treatment makes them feel…and listen. If they can live it you can listen.
+ Ask if they need any special meals, tastebuds often change throughout treatment.
+ Ask if they have everything they need to make them comfortable.
+ Ask to have a photo taken with them, even if they are bald.
+ Ask if it’s ok to hug or kiss them, immune systems are compromised at certain times of chemo cycles so it’s best to be careful.
+ Ask if their partner and family are doing ok? Once treatment is done…keep asking them how they are doing. Every year tests are done, fears are held and it can be lonely.
+ Tell them you love them and love them through their toughest times.
til next time,
Jen x
If you need cancer related assistance head to Cancer Council of Australia.
Patti says
February 29, 2016 at 6:07 pmGreat words of wisdom Jen. My husband was diagnosed with cancer last week and we are already experiencing some unusual reactions from people. Thanks for this post. Just what I needed to read.
Jenni says
March 21, 2016 at 5:05 pmPatti, I’m sorry to read of your husbands diagnosis. sending you both strength, love and a good dose of humour to get you through xx
Carolyn says
March 1, 2016 at 1:03 pmThis is super helpful; thank you Jen for putting this together X
Jenni says
March 21, 2016 at 5:05 pmYou’re welcome Carolyn x
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
March 1, 2016 at 2:42 pmYes, yes and yes! Spot on, Jenni! I know it can be hard to find the right words, this is going to be a huge help for friends, families and loved ones x
Jenni says
March 21, 2016 at 5:06 pmThanks Sammie, I really hope so x
Paula says
March 6, 2016 at 12:37 amThank you for this! It’s hard to know what to say or do, and this is great advice
Jenni says
March 21, 2016 at 5:06 pmIt sure is tough Paula, I hope this helps x
Elaina says
May 20, 2016 at 8:29 pmHi Jenni,
I’m new to your page and I must say I’m loving it. What an inspirational person you are..I’m a larger lady and loving your fashion…
3 weeks ago I had a Radical Hysterectomy because of aggressive cervical cancer and a tiny bit did decide to travel to 1 lymphnode..a couple of weeks time I start my treatment and I’m shitting myself. I try hard to have positive thoughts but doesn’t always happen. I’m so glad I found your fb page and website. I love fashion and following you and your positivity helps get rid off that funny feeling I have in my stomach (nerves/butterflies)..thank you. ❤ what you do. Stay strong.
Jenni says
May 30, 2016 at 9:58 amHi Elaina, thankyou for your lovely message and I’m so pleased you found me too. Hopefully I’m a nice distraction from what you’re currently living. I’m sorry you’re going through cancer, sending you strength hun x
wendy anderson says
September 18, 2016 at 6:17 amI found your site by chance,I too am a breast cancer thrived,I like that term.
Actually believe it or not it does have its positive,when you come out the other side you really appreciate life,and you know who truly loves you.Both important bonuses!
I love your attitude and zest for life,I too love interesting different colourful clothes and food!
Maddi says
December 17, 2016 at 1:45 amThis is a great post, I love that you focus on what you SHOULD say rather SHOULDN’T. Too many people fall out of touch when you or a loved one is diagnosed with cancer and I think part of the reason is they just don’t know what to do or say that will help. I’d love to share post this with all my friends, it’s extremely helpful. All the best with your treatment, lovely to meet you x
Jenni says
December 17, 2016 at 5:29 amFeel free to share Maddie. I love that our paths have crossed, thanks for your care. Wishing good things for you ahead x
Louise says
April 18, 2017 at 5:44 pmHi Jenni, I’m new to your Blog and stumbled across this. I wish I’d found your insightful words sooner. My 30 yo nephew has just finished 9 weeks of chemo for Testicular Cancer. We have experienced the whole gamut of emotions from him as he worked his way through his diagnoses and treatment. A normally fun loving, life of the party comedian experienced some very dark, sad and angry days. We’ve been there for any of his moods. He is now bald – everywhere. Has lost his sense of taste – except for really sweet lollies. He gets itchy and feels generally unwell all the time. Finally he had his last course today. We now wait until he can have scans, hopefully he has conquered it and we will have our lovely funny Nephew back to live a long, happy and boring (health wise) life. Love your suggestions and your Site.
Moyra says
April 25, 2017 at 8:22 pmHaving failed the newest immunotherapy drugs,I am now on chemotherapy for Melanoma.
After only three treatments of Chemo I was wondering why the water from my shower was not draining away.
It had clogged up with clumps of my hair. Boy did I have a meltdown!
I was home alone,and felt so lonely I just bawled.
But I then gave myself a good talking to. It is a smsll price to pay really if the chemo treatment works.
Thanks so much for reading.
Moyra.
Jenni says
April 25, 2017 at 8:47 pmWhat a shock Moyra, our hair is our crown but the good news is it does grow back. Wishing you all the best with your treatment.
Moyra says
April 25, 2017 at 8:54 pmThanks Jenni. I so appreciate your valued opinion.
Thank you too for your fantastic blog.
Moyra.